Funny how seldom I post anymore. I used to be so regular about it. My heart just isn’t in it any longer. I think it’s because I find myself so down in the dumps that I realized I mainly blog in a whiney, poor-pitiful-me sort of way. And I hate that. My sister is a big whiner. And she really isn’t that bad off, but you’d think she was. It irritates that heck out of me, and I find myself doing it here all the time. Ugh.
Part of it, to be fair to me, lol, is that I haven’t got anyone else to complain to. I don’t really have friends (I have problems with that, but that’s a blog for another day) and I can’t complain to my sister (she won’t just listen and sympathize, she either tries to tell you why you don’t have it so bad or why she is at least as bad off as you if not worse) I won’t complain to my daughter (because that would just make her feel bad, and none of it is her fault) and I can’t complain to my husband (most of it IS his fault, but he feels bad enough already, and it would just make him crankier). I guess what I need is a therapist! Or some friends. My younger sister was the best – she would sympathize, let me get it all out, then do something crazy to make me laugh and I’d feel better… but since she left us all for the much, much greener pastures of Heaven, it kinda sucks.
I’m totally feeling sorry for myself because after nearly 16 years of being a stay-at-home-mom (which I LOVED by the way) I had to go back to work full-time. I hate it. Not only is the job pretty annoying and crappy, but I don’t get to do all the stuff at home I have always enjoyed doing… taking my daughter to this and that lesson or rehearsal, doing school with her – we homeschooled, remember – crafting or even just the housework. I was never a career-minded kind of gal, and I certainly don’t want to start now.
And my husband. I think he’s even more depressed than I am, so he does… pretty much nothing. His business will never take off if he doesn’t work it, and he doesn’t. And he has all the time in the world since he got himself fired from his last piddly job. It’s hard, because with all the other crap I had issues with him over, the one thing I could always fall back on was “at least he’s a good provider”. Now I got nothing. Okay, that’s not entirely true… he is still a pretty good dad. Except for the grumpiness. But still pretty good in that respect.
Well, there I am again… whining. But this blog is my substitute friend/therapist, so I have to get it out someplace. Guess no one has to read it!