Category Archives: Weird stuff

The secret lives of people you thought you knew

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Do you know your friends? Really?

I thought I did. Maybe it’s because I am pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get and all that. Not that I air every piece of dirty laundry I have, or, upon meeting a new person blurt out every dark and dirty event I have ever been through, but if I have been around you for any amount of time, you’d have a pretty good idea about who I am. What I’m like.

So you can imagine my utter astonishment when the husband of one of the couples in my home group (which is a small group of people from my church who meet together once a week to study the Bible and build a deeper connection with than you might find when you go to a church like mine that has over 1500 members) anyhow – we got a call that he was in jail because he battered his wife. His wife being a woman I thought I knew pretty well. Someone I considered my friend. Shoot, I thought I knew him pretty well… he put on a really good front. And I’m pissed.

So, why am I so pissed off? Maybe it’s because I feel like I was lied to. I mean, our group has met every week for a couple of years. We have asked each other to pray for issues we’re having, opened up about hard stuff in our lives… well – some of us have. Obviously not everyone.

See, we’ve been through a lot with this family. Our kids hang out together. In fact these kids always acted like they were this happy little family when the truth is they have been hurt by and upset and disappointed with their dad pretty much their entire lives… at this point they say they never want to speak with him again, they are so tired of his manipulation and lies and hurt.

The husband has had lots of serious health issues, and we prayed and we took them meals and we kept their girls when they had to travel to hospitals out of state and our husbands drove this guy to the doctor visits out of state when the mom needed to be home with her children for special events… and never, ever, did it come up that this man was an abusive addict. We knew he had once had addiction issues… and were led to believe this was the past; dealt with. He was even a leader in our church’s addiction recovery program! Sheesh. Then he went nutso one more time and she’d finally had enough. The attack was witnessed by their kids, by two pastors who came by because one of the girls got really scared and called her youth pastor, and the arresting officers. So even though this man has denied the event (!) we all know what happened.

I don’t blame my friend for leaving her husband, even tho they’ve been married over 20 years. I don’t know why she didn’t leave him earlier, except she is this sweet Christian woman who I know was trying to do the best by her kids and I am sure in her dysfunctional way she thought if she hung in there and prayed enough she could rescue this man. I get that. What I don’t get is in all the time we’ve been friends that she never felt like she could have, at the very least, said “hey, we’re having some problems in our marriage – could  you pray for us?”  I mean, maybe she didn’t want to drag her husband through the mud, or maybe she was embarrassed about – whatever parts of it – but we other gals sure asked for help and prayers about a whole bunch of crap… so it kinda makes me mad, I guess. Hurts my feelings maybe. Like she didn’t feel I was a trustworthy friend.  I love this woman, I really do. She’s one of my best friends. I am sorry she is hurting right now.

I am also pissed that I was so misled by this man. I mean, he presented himself as this quiet, softspoken, very very wise man of God. He knew all the Scripture, had the right answers… When in fact he’s a crazy addict. And I seriously mean crazy. Some of the stuff he has said and done since the arrest and subsequent no-contact order, separation and divorce has been absolutely bat-poop-insanity. For reals.

I am not judging these people. We all mess up. We are all crazy, sin-filled people. I have had probably more than my fair share of stupidity and screw-ups.  But, I don’t know. It just makes me mad. Why do we get together as a small group of Christian friends to support one another if we aren’t going to be honest with one another? Why don’t we just play Poker then?

Which all just makes me wonder… do I really know any of the people I think I know? How many of my friends are hiding some dark secret that they think I am not able to be trusted with? Do they think I’m hiding something? Do you? Are you?

I need an identity… or, for others at least to see the one I’ve got.

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I feel like I’ve lost my identity. And not because someone stole my credit cards or something.

One of the hardest parts of not having my own home is that no one knows my “style”.  That sounds sort of weird, I suppose, but it’s true.  I realized the other day that of the people who are my friends now, not one of them knew me when I owned my own home… they have all become friends since we moved back here to Idaho, and we’ve lived with my parents the whole time so far.  (I suppose that also says something about my lack of friends, but that’s another story for another time)  So, you know, people use to come to my house and say “oh, you are into horses” because of the pictures and statues and stuff; or “gosh, I love your purple couches” or the antiques or oddities, or the way I’d painted my walls, whatever. It said something about who I was, in a way.

None of these people knew me before I was fat, either. All I ever wear these days is jeans and shirts, flipflops in summer, tennies in winter… a skirt on rare occasion. I don’t hate fashion;  I hate how I look and just can’t abide spending money on things I will look crappy in anyhow.  So there is nothing that says “this is the sort of flair I have”.

Also, no one really gets that I am passionate about horses. I haven’t owned any in, well, over 10 years, so that seems like a part of my life that is so far gone that no one even knows it used to be the biggest part of my life. I don’t even do any horse-related stuff, like go watch shows or go to the big Horse Affair they have here each year like I used to; it’s just too depressing to be so far removed from that life that I try not to think about it at all.

No one really knows me, I guess that’s what I am saying. And I am beginning to wonder if I truly know myself anymore. Who am I? Certainly not who I used to be… I don’t think… and I’m not really sure how to find out.

“At least it’s a ‘dry heat'”

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Today’s official high temperature – well in the United States, anyway – was 108 degrees, in Boise, Idaho. Yeah… right where I live.  Well, okay, technically, I live in one of the outlying towns… but, still. It was toastin’ hot here today.

The weird thing is, it didn’t seem horribly hot to me. Hot, yeah, of course, but not like ‘walking into a furnace’ hot, and you’d think it would have felt like that.

I think there is something strange going on… with me. See, I was born and raised in the West – Southern California. Then since getting married, we have also lived in some other western states – Idaho, Utah, Washington… and then Virginia. The West can be hot… obviously. But it’s dry. Well, okay, the Seattle area isn’t exactly what you’d call dry, but what I mean to say is, it’s not humid. Not in the least. Most of my life, when I’d complain about the weather and how hot it was, someone would say “well, at least it’s a dry heat” and I’d think “what the crap does that mean?” because let’s face it, hot is hot, right? Well, no. Wrong.

We lived in Virginia about a year and a half, over two summers. Geez, you talk about HOT!!  And guess what? It’s not the temperature that kills you, it’s the humidity. I don’t understand why anyone would live back east on purpose. Humidity is just… gross. It’s like I couldn’t even breathe back there when it was hot… like I was wrapped up in a hot, wet, woolen blanket.  urrgggh. 

So we’re back in Idaho, and even though it’s been over 100 degrees every day this week, and just plain crazy hot today… it felt…. good. A nice hot. Just a “dry heat”, lol. I guess you have to experience the “wet heat” to understand what that means.

Going to the Ball! You know, like Cinderella.

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Tomorrow night I am going to The Ball. You’d think I’d be more excited.  Maybe it’s because I’m no longer a teenager, or that, being married, I can’t really expect to meet Prince Charming.  ‘Cause, that’d be awkward and all.

Actually, my daughter has been taking a Cotillion class and this Ball is the final event. Dinner and dancing.  Kiki gets to wear a lovely formal gown, new shoes, sparkly jewelry, and beforehand we are going to my sister’s house and she’s going to give her some sort of fancy up-do.  Me, I’m just wearing the one dress I own and a worn out pair of flats. Sigh. One of the crappy parts of being poor… and yet, it doesn’t really matter. Kiki is the one who ought to feel like a princess.  And hopefully she will.

Do you think it’s rude to force someone to dress up for your party?

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Okay, so first I will admit I am cranky, so that may be coloring my viewpoint… but, still.

I have a friend acquaintance in one group of people I know who is turning 40 this year. (I am not trying to be rude… I just don’t really consider her a “friend”… I like her, she’s a nice (if albeit very tightly wound) individual, but it’s not like we ever do anything together outside of this particular group.

She is having a birthday party this weekend.  She is going all out – renting a event center, hiring a band and a bartender… I mean, making it a huge deal. Which is fine… I mean, not my style; I’m more of a garden-party-in-my-backyard kind of gal – but that’s fine.  She has made it a “themed” party, which again, not my style but fine. Whatever floats her boat. (That’s really more of my teenaged daughter’s kind of party, lol!) But what bothers me about the whole deal is that she’s making a really big deal about all of her guests dressing up in the theme.  I mean, to the extent of trying to guilt me into dressing up! I asked her “are we uninvited if we don’t dress in costume?” and she was like “Yes! You have to dress up! You do NOT want to come to my party not in costume!” I persisted “seriously, I don’t  have anything like that to wear” to which she replied “go to the thrift shop! You can find stuff cheap!” Okay. I understand I could get stuff at the thrift store. However, if I have to buy something for myself, my husband and my daughter, even if I can find $5.00 items, if it’s a top and skirt or pants each, that’s $30.00… $30.00 for stuff I will never, ever wear again. When I am barely scraping by financially.  Which makes me feel like I am being charged a fee to attend someone’s birthday party. 

My daughter usually has themed birthday parties. She always dresses up, and we decorate in the theme. We always, always make it very clear in the invitations that dressing up is optional, and that she has extra items if anyone wants to borrow something. I would never want to make someone feel uncomfortable if they don’t enjoy dressing up, nor would I want them to feel pressured to spend money they may not have to attend a party. I guess not everyone feels as I do.

What do you think?

Snow!! Finally!! A late winter for Idaho

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I didn’t think we’d ever get winter here in the Treasure Valley, but it finally arrived! Although my inlaws in Seattle are getting more snow than we are, here in the mountain region of the country… really, we in Idaho should have waaaay more snow than Seattle!  Still, I’ll take what we get.  It’s so pretty. It’s not supposed to last, they tell us it’s going to turn to rain soon… I did get my workday cancelled, so it’s all good!!  Yay!

You can see it’s getting deep…

Poor confused Robin… dude, it’s not spring yet

What is the deal, people?? All those poor child-insomniacs!

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For the better part of the last year (well, ever since I switched over to WordPress and have easily kept track) my overall “most read post” every single week is the one I wrote over 4 years ago about my daughter having insomnia!  Seriously!  It would seem to me, according to the number of people searching the web about “10 year old insomnia”, that this is a very common problem for 10 year old kids.  That’s so weird.