Category Archives: Teenagers

I need a hobby

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I am seriously bored. Bored, bored, bored.

Not like I don’t have things I could do. Things I should do. I’ve even been cleaning like crazy, and that is so not like me.

I just miss my daughter so dang bad! I am realizing that she is my “go to” person for most of what I do. Shopping, movie watching, etc. Which some would say is bad or co-dependent or something… I just say she is one of my favorite friends and we have a lot in common and a lot of fun together. I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing.  However…

Maybe I need to branch out a bit more. Strengthen some of my other friendships. Join a book club or a crafting group. I don’t know. I’d have more to  do if I had my own home… I mean, first because there is always something needing doing if you have a house, and second because I had all my supplies to do projects in, and that was always the first thing I’d pile into when I had a spare moment. Still – I find that although I am enjoying the quiet of my daughter being away, I don’t know what to do with myself. And since she will eventually move away for good – and in fact, in this coming school year she will probably find more friends of her own to hang out with rather than just mom – I better find something to occupy my time!

I think my brain is going to blow up

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Do you ever have a problem that turns into a series of problems? That you see no resolution to? I am having one of those, and my head is becoming tired and dizzy by spinning in circles around the not-to-be-seen solution to my situation.
You see, it’s one of those issues where I need to fix ‘A’ but to do that I need to do ‘B’ but in order to do that I need to do ‘C’ which brings me back to how in the world then can I do ‘A’?!?!

See, Kiki hates online school, but has no desire to go the large public high school. And I hated my large public high school and have no intention of subjecting her to that. Not to mention the whole worldly indoctrination that goes on in our public schools these days. The only  reason we did online this year was so she could have the “proper accreditation” so she could go to a “real school”. (We did a homeschool co-op for 1st – 8th grades). So.

We found  a private, Christian school that we intend on sending her to for – hopefully – the rest of her high school years. They gave us a scholarship of 50% off which is the highest they go, so with that we think we can cover it. Then, we got an unexpected check in the mail that exactly covers the registration fees, so that was cool!

Here’s the problem…  the school is in a tiny town in Outer Slobovia. If we move closer to school, we will be a ridiculously far distance from church (and we don’t just go to church on Sunday – we have small groups and youth group and various other things we like to go to).  Also, in order for us to move out at all, it’s been determined that I need a full time job. Which, A. I hate the thought of. and B. Where? When? How? Do I get a job during school hours, or after school, and how then do I get her to school, and participate in things, and do I work close to home (which will be Where??) or do I work close to her school (right! Middle of nowhere, remember)… It’s like everything has to come together and I don’t know where to start! Okay, we started with the school… but now what?

I know God knows. He can see the big picture where I can’t. But I wish He’d let me in on it, because the stress is sending me over the edge.

Not to mention the stress I am feeling from Kiki’s upcoming birthday… but that’s a post for another day.

Post Vacation Blues

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Disneyland!!

Disneyland!! Yay!

So! We finally got to take our daughter to Disneyland! It was a fantastic trip… we spent a week in Southern California, 3 of those days at Disneyland. I actually was born and raised in SoCal, and haven’t been back in over 25 years, so it was fun to drive around seeing the “old stomping grounds”.  Kiki even (mostly) pretended to be interested, lol. The home I grew up in, the schools I attended, places I hung out… And she adored Disneyland, even though she’s already 15   🙂

I can’t believe my feet and legs held out through 3 days of Disney. At my age and weight I was really concerned… in fact, I had been kinda paranoid about the whole “will I fit on the rides?” scenario, but after doing some online research, I realized I am on the thin side of people who go to Disney (holy crap on a cracker!!) so there were no problems at all… in fact, I think I could’ve walked around another day or two!

Crazy stuff? We spent over $10.00 on a caramel apple for Kiki… but I would’ve spent this much on one for each of us if I’d known how amazing it tasted!!  Wow. And of course, Monte Cristo sandwiches at the Blue Bayou… yummmmmm!!

We were able to basically stay in Cali for free; thru a “friend of a friend” kind of deal we stayed in the home of a couple who was out of town on their own vacation. That in itself was so great – since we live with my parents we have very little time of just the three of us being “our little family.”

But I want to go back!!  Now!! You know how vacation isn’t reality, and I don’t really love my current reality, and of course DISNEYLAND!! and we ate whatever and I didn’t even worry about my diet (and FYI I didn’t gain one single pound on vacation! must’ve been all that walking?) so, I just want to be there and not here… maybe I can live behind “Small World” in the shrubbery or something… lol

Chillin’ on a Sunday

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So, we had shawarma again… okay, actually, I had falafel, but Kiki and Alan had shawarma. I kind of thought that if we are going to keep eating at this restaurant, I should branch out a little and try some other menu items.

It was fantastic. Even tho it had pickled beets in it which are not on my list of “foods I love”… it was still really good. But the best part was that right after we sat down, some friends of ours showed up there as well! One of those unique and unusual families that not only do Alan and I love the parents but they have teen girls Kiki’s age who she loves, so it was a totally fun lunch.

The day fell apart after that. We went to the mall, just for kicks, and Kiki tried on pants that were way too small so of course she decided she’s completely fat, then she got her eyebrows … uhm … I forget what you call it … threaded, I think; but anyway they took off too much so of course like I moron I was like “whoa, they nearly made your face bald” so of course she burst into tears – I am just mean like that.

I was looking at the most adorable baby girl in church today. Alan turned to me and said “no, you can’t have one.” He’s the mean one! It made me sad in a way, remembering back on the fun times I had with my little girl, who is growing up so fast… and who is a raging ball of teen-girl hormones that is often quite imcompatible with my peri-menopausal hormones.  Maybe I should be feeling sorry for my husband who has to live with us both!

I was probably cranky to begin with because I think it’s ridiculous that a 15 year old thinks she needs her eyebrows done (she’s not a hairy girl or anything) and I didn’t want to take her to do it but daddy spoils her rotten… sigh

We got home and had a bit of a tiff, she and I. I hate that. We very rarely have those mom-teenager-battles, and they make my tummy hurt. And make me angry. And worried.

I should’ve gone for a walk. I wanted to eat chocolate. (thank goodness we didn’t have any!) I did lay down on my bed for 20 minutes.

Then we watched some TV;  maybe we will go watch something on Netflix…

It’s better now, but I swear having a teenager is probably taking years off my life!

Random thoughts on a lazy Sunday

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 Is it weird that I would drive my kid a half-hour across town so she can spend a few hours watching movies with a friend? Do other parents do this? I feel bad that she doesn’t have friends in the neighborhood like I did when I was a kid… she doesn’t really have friends in our town at all. She also has no siblings to play with. So, I drove her 30 minutes to the next town over to spend the evening with a friend (who, fortunately, is slightly older and has a license so she will drive Kiki home after, so I don’t have to make the trip twice.)

I’ve also spent a lot of time recently driving her a half-hour the other direction to participate in a new theater group. Acting is something she loves doing but hasn’t had a lot of opportunity to participate in, so when she actually got a part after auditioning I couldn’t deny her the chance to do it… but, she rehearses 3 days a week in another town so off we go again! I wish my car got better mileage (17mpg on a good day).  On those days, I spend 3 hours hanging out in a coffeehouse reading or on my computer because I don’t want to make the drive twice – so I just wait out there while she’s rehearsing. I wish I had a friend in that town to hang out with; that’d be more fun!

Last night she had a song to sing in a special fundraising event. She was asked rather last minute, didn’t have time to practice much, and didn’t do very well. After her song, we went outside and she sobbed. Poor kid. It’s so hard to be a mom! I didn’t even want to go watch her, because I had a feeling it wasn’t going to go very well. A couple of very nice folks came up while I was comforting her and told her she had done a fine job, and there will never be another first time, so it will get easier. That helped, and I sure appreciated those people’s words.

It’s been unseasonably cold here for Autumn. That’s kind of bumming me out, because Fall is my absolute favorite season but it almost feels like winter out. It also seems like the cold and wind is making the leaves fall faster than normal, so we won’t get to enjoy the colors as long. Supposedly it’s going to warm up a bit this week; that’d be nice.

My poor orange kitty seems to be a bit “off” the last few days… I wish I could afford to take him to the vet, just to make sure he’s okay before it would turn into anything serious. Unfortunately, I probably can’t talk my husband into this unless it turns into something serious. I hate that.

It seems like we will never get out of this financial hole we are in. Everytime things seem to be looking up, something goes wrong. My husband’s work truck had to go into the shop twice in the last couple months, to the tune of about $2,500.00. Ugh. I keep thinking I should get a full-time job, but I so want to keep being a full-time mom! I am starting to look for a job that would either be graveyard shift or super-early mornings, so I wouldn’t really be gone when Kiki is around and awake and needs me. Of course, I don’t know when I’d be able to sleep, then…

I’ve decided I probably need therapy to deal with the anger I feel toward my sister. I am really not sure why I feel like I do, unless it’s maybe a deep-seated issue from our childhood. I mean, yeah, she does stupid stuff sometimes… don’t we all? Shouldn’t I be able to just let it roll off me, that whole “water off a duck” deal?   sigh    I finally  – at a women’s retreat last month – dealt with some other stuff that has been causing me grief all of my life from very early on. I’ve known it was a problem for a loooong time now, but finally feel like I’ve moved on. Which is awesome! but; sad to think of all the years I can’t go back and “fix” from having lived them in the shadow of those events. Oh, well. What’re ya gonna do?

Now, if only I could “fix” the food addiction…. I am so very tired of being fat, and yet I guess not enough to quit eating the stuff I eat. Sometimes I think it would be better to need to give up alcohol or smoking! Something black and white – I mean, you just don’t do it. You can’t really give up eating! So it’s making the right choices I find so hard.

That’s about all I have to say tonight. I am fighting a sore throat, and probably ought to go to bed early, but of course I won’t be able to go until Kiki is safely back home!

I should’ve stayed in bed today (Algebra must die)

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I have decided. Officially. Algebra must die.

I never liked algebra. We never got along well. Then, I thought I  had left it behind; conquered it as well as I could.

Now I have a teenager. Who hates algebra. Who does not understand algebra. And whatever it was that I learned about it to get me through with a decent grade all those decades ago has been lost in the blur of “I really no longer give a crap”.  So, I can’t help her. She asks me to help; I look at at the problem, and my brain freezes solid. If there is any math knowledge left in my brain, it’s never getting past that block of ice.

We had a major blowout today. Well, it was bad for us. We don’t argue all that often. But today it was so bad I left the house and went for a drive.

It really depressed me. I am having a hard time getting past it. I don’t think it’s all the math. Or the argument. There is so, so much more about my life that is so incredibly stressful right now…. I think it’s just too much. Or maybe it’s the math.

Kiki and I had a nice long talk later on, and what we determined was this: Most of our arguments start over math.

I hate math.

Going to the Ball! You know, like Cinderella.

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Tomorrow night I am going to The Ball. You’d think I’d be more excited.  Maybe it’s because I’m no longer a teenager, or that, being married, I can’t really expect to meet Prince Charming.  ‘Cause, that’d be awkward and all.

Actually, my daughter has been taking a Cotillion class and this Ball is the final event. Dinner and dancing.  Kiki gets to wear a lovely formal gown, new shoes, sparkly jewelry, and beforehand we are going to my sister’s house and she’s going to give her some sort of fancy up-do.  Me, I’m just wearing the one dress I own and a worn out pair of flats. Sigh. One of the crappy parts of being poor… and yet, it doesn’t really matter. Kiki is the one who ought to feel like a princess.  And hopefully she will.