Tag Archives: dieting

On a sugar fast…. and I miss my mochas!

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big city mocha

My daughter talked me into going on a “sugar fast” with her. We decided on one month, no “added” or “obvious” sugar… that is, we are still eating fruits, and things like regular bread that turn into sugar quickly in your body; just nothing that is blatant sugar, like cookies and ice cream. Which pretty much eliminates most of my favorite foods. My favorite breakfast isn’t eggs and bacon, it’s a scone or a muffin… and I’d rather have a frozen yogurt than a sandwich for lunch. So it’s been… different, to say the least. In some ways it hasn’t been as hard as I’d thought. But I’m running out of ideas for making breakfast (cold cereal is out as most of it, even plain old Chex, has added sugar) no pancakes, no French toast, and that’s what I normally make. Even my corn meal mush is out, as we serve it with butter and sugar. I’m getting kind of sick of eggs, but it’s the 20th, so I can do this!

I’ve pretty much eliminated snacks and desserts, and since that’s my weakness, you’d think I’d have lost some weight… right? Right?! Nope. Not a pound. 20 days of no sugar and nothing. Okay, to be totally honest, it’s 19 days – I  took a day off for Mother’s Day! Still. I think I must have the crappiest metabolism ever. I don’t eat that much! Honest! Why can’t I lose weight?? On the plus side, however, is the fact that my legs are feeling less sore than they have been.. eliminating that whole sugar-causes-inflammation business, I guess. So that’s good.

But by far, the thing I have missed the most is mochas. I really really REALLY want one. Now. This very moment!!

…..sigh…..

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Post Vacation Blues

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Disneyland!!

Disneyland!! Yay!

So! We finally got to take our daughter to Disneyland! It was a fantastic trip… we spent a week in Southern California, 3 of those days at Disneyland. I actually was born and raised in SoCal, and haven’t been back in over 25 years, so it was fun to drive around seeing the “old stomping grounds”.  Kiki even (mostly) pretended to be interested, lol. The home I grew up in, the schools I attended, places I hung out… And she adored Disneyland, even though she’s already 15   🙂

I can’t believe my feet and legs held out through 3 days of Disney. At my age and weight I was really concerned… in fact, I had been kinda paranoid about the whole “will I fit on the rides?” scenario, but after doing some online research, I realized I am on the thin side of people who go to Disney (holy crap on a cracker!!) so there were no problems at all… in fact, I think I could’ve walked around another day or two!

Crazy stuff? We spent over $10.00 on a caramel apple for Kiki… but I would’ve spent this much on one for each of us if I’d known how amazing it tasted!!  Wow. And of course, Monte Cristo sandwiches at the Blue Bayou… yummmmmm!!

We were able to basically stay in Cali for free; thru a “friend of a friend” kind of deal we stayed in the home of a couple who was out of town on their own vacation. That in itself was so great – since we live with my parents we have very little time of just the three of us being “our little family.”

But I want to go back!!  Now!! You know how vacation isn’t reality, and I don’t really love my current reality, and of course DISNEYLAND!! and we ate whatever and I didn’t even worry about my diet (and FYI I didn’t gain one single pound on vacation! must’ve been all that walking?) so, I just want to be there and not here… maybe I can live behind “Small World” in the shrubbery or something… lol

Random thoughts on a lazy Sunday

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 Is it weird that I would drive my kid a half-hour across town so she can spend a few hours watching movies with a friend? Do other parents do this? I feel bad that she doesn’t have friends in the neighborhood like I did when I was a kid… she doesn’t really have friends in our town at all. She also has no siblings to play with. So, I drove her 30 minutes to the next town over to spend the evening with a friend (who, fortunately, is slightly older and has a license so she will drive Kiki home after, so I don’t have to make the trip twice.)

I’ve also spent a lot of time recently driving her a half-hour the other direction to participate in a new theater group. Acting is something she loves doing but hasn’t had a lot of opportunity to participate in, so when she actually got a part after auditioning I couldn’t deny her the chance to do it… but, she rehearses 3 days a week in another town so off we go again! I wish my car got better mileage (17mpg on a good day).  On those days, I spend 3 hours hanging out in a coffeehouse reading or on my computer because I don’t want to make the drive twice – so I just wait out there while she’s rehearsing. I wish I had a friend in that town to hang out with; that’d be more fun!

Last night she had a song to sing in a special fundraising event. She was asked rather last minute, didn’t have time to practice much, and didn’t do very well. After her song, we went outside and she sobbed. Poor kid. It’s so hard to be a mom! I didn’t even want to go watch her, because I had a feeling it wasn’t going to go very well. A couple of very nice folks came up while I was comforting her and told her she had done a fine job, and there will never be another first time, so it will get easier. That helped, and I sure appreciated those people’s words.

It’s been unseasonably cold here for Autumn. That’s kind of bumming me out, because Fall is my absolute favorite season but it almost feels like winter out. It also seems like the cold and wind is making the leaves fall faster than normal, so we won’t get to enjoy the colors as long. Supposedly it’s going to warm up a bit this week; that’d be nice.

My poor orange kitty seems to be a bit “off” the last few days… I wish I could afford to take him to the vet, just to make sure he’s okay before it would turn into anything serious. Unfortunately, I probably can’t talk my husband into this unless it turns into something serious. I hate that.

It seems like we will never get out of this financial hole we are in. Everytime things seem to be looking up, something goes wrong. My husband’s work truck had to go into the shop twice in the last couple months, to the tune of about $2,500.00. Ugh. I keep thinking I should get a full-time job, but I so want to keep being a full-time mom! I am starting to look for a job that would either be graveyard shift or super-early mornings, so I wouldn’t really be gone when Kiki is around and awake and needs me. Of course, I don’t know when I’d be able to sleep, then…

I’ve decided I probably need therapy to deal with the anger I feel toward my sister. I am really not sure why I feel like I do, unless it’s maybe a deep-seated issue from our childhood. I mean, yeah, she does stupid stuff sometimes… don’t we all? Shouldn’t I be able to just let it roll off me, that whole “water off a duck” deal?   sigh    I finally  – at a women’s retreat last month – dealt with some other stuff that has been causing me grief all of my life from very early on. I’ve known it was a problem for a loooong time now, but finally feel like I’ve moved on. Which is awesome! but; sad to think of all the years I can’t go back and “fix” from having lived them in the shadow of those events. Oh, well. What’re ya gonna do?

Now, if only I could “fix” the food addiction…. I am so very tired of being fat, and yet I guess not enough to quit eating the stuff I eat. Sometimes I think it would be better to need to give up alcohol or smoking! Something black and white – I mean, you just don’t do it. You can’t really give up eating! So it’s making the right choices I find so hard.

That’s about all I have to say tonight. I am fighting a sore throat, and probably ought to go to bed early, but of course I won’t be able to go until Kiki is safely back home!

I know why America has an obesity epidemic (Hint: It’s not from 24oz sodas)

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I’ve been watching the news lately, far more often than I’d like due to my current living situation. This business about the – is it the mayor of New York? – (okay, obviously I watch the news without really paying attention!) anyway, the guy who wants to outlaw big sodas. Because that is going to make everyone suddenly thinner. Right.

Haven’t they  …”they” … been trying this? No more happy meals… no toys, anyway. Put nutritional info in the fast food stores.  Outlaw ‘supersizing’…. blah blah blah. And we are just getting fatter.

On the surface, sure, we are fat because we eat too much. It’s simple science… if you consume more calories than you burn, you get fat. Duh. Also, our processed foods, with all the chemicals and crap in them, are far worse than the “bad” foods our parents or our grandparents could chow down on if they were the sort to overeat.  But come on!! Do you really think that if you take away our soda we’ll get thinner??  As if I can’t buy soda at the grocery store and chug it down? I can honestly say, as an obese person, NONE of my weight is from sugary sodas. None. I don’t ever drink any soda but diet, and that only occasionally. So what’s my problem, huh? You are going to have to outlaw Ben and Jerrys, and cookies (homemade, so I guess you have to outlaw baking.)  Besides, how long have these items been in existance, and how long have we been so fat? Do you really think the problem is the food??  Geez. 

Maybe the problem is WHY we are eating so much. Why is a small soda, or one cookie, or a small serving of ice cream not enough? Think about that for awhile. Do you know? Do ya?

Okay, I will tell you what I think. (and as an obese person, with heavy friends, I think I’m qualified to tell you) We are freakin’ depressed. We are a nation of unhappy, unfulfilled humans, and we are cramming ourselves full of anything, anything, to try to get some satisfaction. Don’t believe me? Why do you think that even in this crappy economy, when so many of us are unemployed or underemployed that spending hasn’t gone down? Because some of you – instead of overeating – are satiating your needs with the junk you buy instead of the junk you eat. You know who you are – you look better on the outside than I do, but you are as unhappy and empty as I am. But maybe your shelves and your closets are fat.  Why do you think more poor people are fat than the wealthier folks? Because we can’t afford to buy nice stuff, or to try to make ourselves happy by a lovely dinner in a nice restaurant… so we ‘fill our needs’ with junk food. Because even tho I have very little money, I usually have enough for a candy bar.

Think about it. The farther our society gets from God… from living the right way … for Him, f0r other people, for our families, for our spouses and our children, from having people treat us right because we are unselfish and place others first…. I mean, when my husband is a jerk, I head for the pantry. When I feel like I have no friends, I always have the food.  On and on it goes.  Have you ever found yourself shopping for housewares when your home is full to the brim?  Or buying a new outfit when you have brand-new items in your closet that you will probably never wear? How many purses do you own? How many cats do you have??

We are looking for fulfillment. We are looking for relationship, for acceptance, for love. When we don’t find it in the right place, we try to find it in the wrong places… sex, drugs, stuff, food. Until we figure out how to get ourselves on track, to love ourselves for who we are without needing the acceptance of the other humans around us, until we ask the Lord to fill us up, to be our sufficiency, our fulfillment, we are going to be fat. No matter how much soda the government takes away.

How do you find yourself, once you become really, truly lost?

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This mire which is my so-called life has become murkier and deeper as of late. It feels as mucky as the early spring mud which sucked my boots right off my feet when I’d head out to the barn to feed the horses. (Not much is grosser than stepping ankle deep into slimy mud clad only in stockinged feet…) I feel trapped with no obvious way out. Don’t know which direction to head. How to even start.

Maybe some of this has to do with the fact that we have now been living with my parents for over a year and a half. It was supposed to be for about 6 months, maybe less. Worse, I see no immediate end to the situation. No way out. I need a full-time job, and how do you do that and homeschool your kid? Also, how do you get a decent full-time job when you haven’t really worked since your child was born, almost 15 years ago? Not to mention all the taxi-service I do for her…

Then there is my weight. Other than feeling bad about it, I am doing nothing at all. It is my addiction, to dull the pain. It hurts in the long run, but don’t all addictions work that way?

Then there is my child’s education. This past year at our co-op has worn me out. I don’t want to do it any longer. I don’t feel qualified to homeschool her completely on my own (we all know how that went over in Virginia) and I want her to at least somewhat enjoy her high school years, unlike me.

Oh, and my sister.  Ugh with the vegan-ism and the adorable outfits and the “ooh guess what we are getting a trip to Cancun this year” and oh-dear-lord what I wouldn’t give to have my little sister back so we could gripe about it together! No one else truly understands how much I can love my older sister yet hate her at that same time.

My husband is no help at all. He’s not doing anything bad, just so wrapped up in his own issues that I can’t get him to spend a moment at least trying to give me some help on mine.

I finally get why moms run away from home. Honestly, it’s all I can do some days not to just toss some stuff in a bag, hop in my car, and start driving. To – anywhere. If I had more than two nickels to rub together I’d probably go. Chances are pretty good that I’d eventually return… but maybe with my head on a little bit straighter.

Having vegan friends is really a downer when it comes to parties

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So tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday.  Sure, I have to work until 5pm (I am sooo annoyed about this – but that’s another story) but we thought it would be nice to invite some friends over to watch the game… then we started going down the list.  I have complained before how too many of our friends are also friends of my sister, right?  Friends who she has pulled over to the Dark Side known as “being vegan”. Anyhow, we were thinking of the snacks we wanted to make for the game – you know, the usual stuff; cheese dip with tortilla chips, little smokies in BBQ sauce, chip and dip, cookies. Crap food. Party food. Stuff most of our current friends won’t eat. Or, stuff that we’d feel guilty eating in front of them.  As my  husband said “they’d just think ‘gees, no wonder those two can’t lose any weight'”.  I am thinking that must mean the problem is… us.  Could it really be?? I suppose if we didn’t eat poorly we wouldn’t need to feel guilty about it. But, honestly, what kind of Super Bowl snacks do most people have?  Isn’t it fat-laden, meaty items? It’s not just us, right? 

It’s bad enough that the last two parties we’ve been to with this particular group of friends were full of vegan/not extremely tasty treats. Not horrible stuff, but not fantastic either. I guess I have two choices: become vegan myself, or make new friends. I wonder which choice would be more painful?

Pride goeth before a fall

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OhMyGosh I cannot quit eating!!  All through the weeks leading up to Christmas I was feeling so proud of myself because I was NOT overeating. I baked cookies, and gave them away. The ones that did stay I was able to restrain myself from.  I did soooo well. Until the actual day of Christmas!  Well, actually, even then.  It really didn’t get bad until New Year’s Eve.  I have no idea what happened.  Maybe the stress of “I have to make Resolutions now” or something??  No clue. But, it all has fallen apart. I eat and eat and eat… most of it not good stuff.

Good thing my mom bought Kiki and me a WII Fit for Christmas… I better get busy. Get my body busy, instead of my mouth!