Tag Archives: depression

Sheesh.

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How is it I never get on this spot any more? I’m not exactly overwhelmed with busy-ness. Just sort of… overwhelmed with life. Good stuff has happened… nothing horrible has happened… but, still. I can’t seem to crawl out from under this heavy, wet blanket of – well, not quite depression, but close. I will come back to talk more later, but now it’s time for me to head off to work. But I had a brief moment, so thought I’d drop by for a quick visit.

What’s the deal?

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I’m so sorry for my sporadic posts.  When I first started blogging… years ago!… I was pretty good about writing a little something every day.  Then – well, there were life changes and blog site changes and on and on…. and it just sort of fell by the wayside.  Partly it’s due to the fact I don’t have a good place to get on my computer.  Which now seems like a lame excuse, since I have a laptop, I mean, I could take it anywhere…. but here at home, my parents really think time on the computer is time wasted, so unless I want to sit in my room on my bed and type, I feel like I’m observed and judged.  Guess I should schedule a daily SBUX run with the computer… but then I have to explain where I’m going… geez, I hate feeling like a kid again! Another reason for not posting is my daily struggle with that dark cloud of depression.  I mean, I’m okay enough to realize y’all probably don’t want to hear one long whiny rant after another (like the one about my sister!  Ooh, and I have some insight on that issue… more on that later). But on the other hand, I feel like I have more to complain about than to gush about…. which is probably untrue but there’s that depression talking!  And now, to be completely truthful, there is one more reason.  I think… I mean, probably… yeah, it’s true…. that when I first started blogging I hoped I’d get all sorts of followers and that my blog would become popular and maybe I’d even get some ads on it eventually and become rich and famous.  I’ll admit it.  I wanted that.  And at first, when I was over at my other server site and started, I was actually featured – like a “fresh pressed” here on WP, and I was getting a few people reading… but, then, it never really happened.  You know?  So I think there is a disappointment attached to my blogging life.  Which is weird, I suppose… here you are, writing about your personal stuff, and you hope a ton of people read it.  That’s kind of strange when you think about it.  I should be writing about… I don’t know, weird cakes or cats or something and maybe it would’ve worked better.  Maybe I was just hoping for a little – help?  People to say I’m not as crazy as I feel?  That I’m not alone in a world of billions?

Hmm.  I don’t know.  I wish I had more answers than questions.  And my life really isn’t all that horrid when I put it in perspective, but that can be hard some days.  I know you understand that, right?

Well, it’s a beautiful day here – the sun is shining, I think the temp is going to be over 45 degrees today (yeah, it went from the hot 80’s one week to downright freezing here!) but this week is supposed to be ‘real’ autumn weather (like, 60’s and 70’s) and that is one thing I love.  Pretty, colorful, crunchy leaves to walk through.  Crisp air.  Yumm.  Have a lovely weekend!