I have nothing fantastic to say about this. I mean, it’s all “a new start” and all that rot… but I really don’t like making New Year’s resolutions. I mean, if I need to fix something in my life, or change something, I don’t really think I should wait until January 1st to do it. I usually try to fix things as they come up. (mind, I didn’t say I did fix things… just I try to…)! However, it is a time when a person does sort of reflect on her life a bit, examine it if you will… I mean, there’s not a whole lot else to do if you’re not out partying or something!
One thing really struck me after reading a comment on a recent post of mine. The commenter made a remark about me being “so unhappy with my life”. And I thought “I’m not unhappy”… then I thought “yes I am” then “no I’m not” and then it rolled around a bit more in my head until I had to yell “stop”!! and then I thought some more. 🙂 Hard. Objectively. And here is the honest truth:
I am not unhappy with my life. I mean, not in the “I’m so desperately miserable” sort of way that the commenter thinks. Yes, there are things – important things – in my life that I am unhappy about. Things I would like to be very different. Sure, my things may be biggish things, but doesn’t everyone probably have things in their lives they are unhappy about? At least some small things?
I suppose I give the impression of being totally depressed because I often use this blog as my place to vent. When something upsets me, I blog about it. So I can see where someone could get that impression, since most of my blogs are unhappy ones. But, after doing some very honest introspection, I can tell you that I really am, overall, happy. I am al-right. Perfect? No. Could be happier? Yes. But, okay.
In fact, it’s funny, because just yesterday my boss was telling me how much she enjoys working with me because I am so cheerful. Ha!
We had a really interesting sermon at church today, and it reminded me that I need to try harder to remember that God does what He does (or, honestly,what I struggle with is the “doesn’t do what He doesn’t do”) because He has the bigger picture in mind. And I haven’t got a clue. I know what I want, but maybe not totally what I need. Sometimes I don’t think the Lord makes any sense at all. I ask for things like… help fixing my marriage, and I can’t possibly see what the downside of that could be – why would He say “no”? or, at least “not yet”?? I don’t get that at all. But I am a moron compared to God, so what do I know? Today I thought – maybe I need to learn to rely on Him for my needs, and if my husband was the man I wanted, I’d rely on him instead. Maybe? Interesting …
I am just trying to see the … good. See the point in it all, if I can. Maybe that’s what I’ll strive for in 2012.