Wait…. whoa! Stop! I’m not ready for this ride!

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My daughter has a boyfriend.

Okay, well, she has a boy who really likes her. Who calls her. Texts her.

She likes him back, but I suspect (and she admits) part of the reason she likes him is because he likes her and that feels kinda nice. He’s a classmate, and they’ve been friends for awhile now (she actually prefers the boys in her class because… well, because they aren’t like the girls! Petty, judgmental, fickle… if you’ve ever been or ever known a teenage girl you know what I’m talking about.)  However, he’s not the boy she’s been crushing on for the last year… (who is a church friend; doesn’t go to her school. And who does not seem to like her back…)

But. She’s 14. In the 8th grade. Too soon for a boyfriend.

It’s not like she can date or anything, and we (her, me, her dad) have had extensive talks on protecting her heart, and staying true to her beliefs and well, to be honest, regrets, and how not to have them. Still… she’s 14. I remember how I felt at 14… in fact, in my 8th grade year I was madly in love with a boy, and he with me. We made plans for our senior prom (yes, years away) and how many kids we would have one day – as if we had a clue! But we thought we did… and we did some serious kissing!! I am pretty much telling my daughter “do as I say not as I did”.   Because I know how the other end of it feels… all these years later I am still missing a little piece of my heart.

But, part of me thinks it’s cute, and sweet… so I am really torn on just how to proceed.  Do I monitor her calls? Read her texts? Leave her be?  I trust her, and I know her desire is to do the right thing. On the other hand, she can be a bit of a follower, and the few times she’s been in serious trouble it’s been because she’s allowed a friend to talk her into doing something that she knew darn well ahead of time she was not to do.  So, its a concern.

Oh, how I miss miss miss the days of toddlerhood! Even she said to me the other day “Why can’t I still be 5 years old? Life was so much easier then.”

3 responses »

  1. As difficult as it is, you have to let go and let your kids grow up. I’m sure it’s more difficult when it’s your daughter, but I know having two boys, who are 19 and 25, that seeing them get their hearts broken isn’t easy no matter what. But it’s all part of the growing process. The most important thing, I THINK, at this stage of the game is to let your daughter know you’re there for her, so hopefully, when there are problems, she’ll come to you.

    My boys didn’t always do this, and my oldest, Tim, got married when he was 20, almost 21, and he knew from the get go, that I didn’t want him to marry this girl, but I tried to welcome her into the family. And I always tried to let my boys go their own way – even when I didn’t approve. I didn’t shed a tear at my son’s wedding because I knew it wouldn’t last, but I tried to be happy for them and tried to be supportive.

    Unfortunately, Tim’s wife made him miserable, then cheated on him with one of his friends – just like she did when they were dating. After they divorced, I was honored that Tim actually brought every girl he went out with for more than a week – to our house and asked specifically for my opinion, saying he didn’t want to repeat the mistakes from the past.

    And planting that seed is a delicate balance of expressing concern without being judgmental or controlling, something that I started doing when he was about your daughter’s age. I let my kids know that their happiness was my first priority and nothing else, not anyone’s ethnic background, how much money they or their family has, what they wanna do with their lives, etc.

    GOOD LUCK, and I don’t think ANYONE is ever prepared to watch their kids date! 🙂

    • Good advice, thank you! That’s what I am trying to do – just keep the communication channels open. Being honest with her so that hopefully she continues to feel she can be open and honest with me. On the way to school today we talked about how boys have feelings, too, lol… that she needs to be careful how she responds to him, to not give him false hopes, so to speak… I don’t want that poor kid getting hurt anymore than I want my daughter to! But, you’re right… it’s all a part of life and learning. Dang it.

      • VERY TRUE! My older brother got turned down for a date with some snooty rich girl because he didn’t have a car (yes, she actually said that was the reason!), and he was very hesitant about asking ANY girl out after that. And when my dad bought him a yellow Nova with a black top, he actually cried saying he could never ask a girl out driving THAT car, so I drove it more than he did. BONUS for me. I didn’t care what it looked like. I just wanted a reliable car to get to work after school and/or wheels to drive on the weekends, on occasion.

        ANYWHO….
        Have a good day! 🙂
        TenaciousB/Kennedy

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