On further introspection, I guess I just need “sister issue” therapy.

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So, I guess I just have issues with my sister.  And I have no idea how to deal with her it. Honestly, she is a good person, and I know she loves me. I love her.  And it would really grieve her if she knew how upset I am with her.  Obviously, it’s not just the weight-loss group thing; I think it’s years of pent-up irritation.  I don’t want to sit here and list everything I am angry about – I really don’t want to rip into her like that.  She can just tend to be really self-centered and self-absorbed.  Now, that’s not just this sister in me talking… my husband will complain about her for those exact reasons.  She’s the kind of person, who, if a homeless woman was talking to her about how hard it is to be destitute, and how she is tired of living in a shelter, and can’t buy shoes for her child, my sister would say “Oh, I know exactly how you feel!  Once, we were so poor, I couldn’ t buy lattes for an entire year!” So. Not. Kidding.  I don’t think she is trying to be a jerk – I think, somehow, in her mind, she is trying to empathize.  But, sometimes I feel like maybe she really does think her life is just as hard as anyones… which, okay, we all have our burdens to bear, but I don’t think hers have been all that horrid.  The rub is that if I brought it up to her, she would be all upset and not believe it. Do you know, she once said, in so many words, that she knew exactly how I felt about my husband’s affair, because her husband is kind of a workaholic, therefore his “other woman” is his job, and actually, my husband’s affair “only” lasted 2 years, and her husband has been giving his all at work for much longer than that – forgive me for saying so, but I do NOT think that is comparable!! 

So this is just me, venting.  Because it is so much better if I let off some steam here rather than hissing at my sister.  I just try to let it go… but maybe after all these years the ‘stuffing place’ is full up!  I can’t change her; I guess I need to find out a better way to get over it.  HI HO hi ho back to therapy I go…

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5 responses »

  1. The husband/affair/work thing really does show how self-absorbed your sister is (no offense or anything)–but if she thinks that is comparable AT ALL, she is living in a dream world, which is sad in itself.
    You really should talk to her, even if she does really hear you…. it might make you feel better!!

    • Yeah… it’s weird. Because if she knew she was like that, she’d feel bad, I know she would. So I don’t know how she can go around and NOT understand she’s like that – except, no one ever tells her, because no one wants to hurt her feelings…. sheesh. What a circle.

  2. Hey there mamanne: To answer your question. Yep, most kids are 17 in grade 12 but Marissa hasnt had her 17th birthday yet. She will turn 17 in Dec. (she is the youngest in her class) In Canada, kids first start school earlier as the cut off is a birthday Dec 31 (in Ontario) and I know that each state is different but most are earlier like June 1 or Sept 1 so kids start kindergarten at 5 or 6, depending on when their birthday is) so that would hold a child back another year if it were the same here. As for kids here these days, a lot of them stay in high school another year (12B they call it) to increase their marks before university or take extra courses. When I was in high school, we had Grade 13 to do that, but that was done away with to add Junior Kindergarten- so Marissa started school at the age of 3 in Junior Kindergarten and will be 17 when she finishes high school. She will probably take a year off or do the 12B thing. (Plus we need to save more money for college anyway…………and she has NO CLUE what she wants to do with her life!!)

  3. It’s always a good idea to write out your frustrations. And when it comes to arguments or disagreements between sisters, they are some of the most difficult to overcome. But, if you’re writing about it, that means you’re thinking about it, which means it’s worth thinking about, and for that reason, I do hope your relationship with your sister mends soon. It’s always so complicated… but you probably know her better than anyone else in the world. And that’s a relationship worth fighting for. Good luck!

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