I don’t feel like Christmas is coming,at all. Which is a bummer, because I really love the Christmas Season. Something about all the sparkle and glitz; pulling out my boxes of decorations and looking at all the wonderful things I’ve collected over the years… I just love that. I’m not the kind of gal that decorates in a particular color or theme; no, I use all the precious things I’ve collected over the years, most of which have a story behind them ~ a special time, a vacation, making them together with someone special… I also go "all out", putting everything I own that’s "Christmasy" all over ~ when you are in my house, you know it’s Christmas! I don’t think it’s in a gaudy or overdone way (I’m pretty sure Alan would let me know if it started to get ‘over-the-top").
Therein lies the reason that this year is gonna be a little rough. Living in my parents’ home, not having my own space, my own place…. my mom is a pretty simple kind of gal… she puts up her little bottle-brush of an artificial tree, puts up a few little Christmasy things here and there, and she calls it ‘good’. I’m not ‘dissing’ her style; it’s how she is, and that’s fine! It’s just not how I am, so it makes things tough. Yes, she’d let me put my stuff out if I wanted, but it’s not the same. I don’t feel right invading her space, so to speak.
The fact that we have no income is definately a spirit-squasher as well! We have a little money in the bank, but that has to get us thru this ‘season’ of waiting for our business to take off – that won’t happen until spring. So, every penny we spend is, well, sort of a ‘no-no’… and I would do it anyway, (that, also, sadly, is how I am!) but again, being here in my parents’ house, I feel like every little thing we do is scrutinzed. And rightfully so! I mean, we are living in their home, eating their food, using their utilities… they have a right to question our spending of money that we really can’t afford to spend. But that makes it pretty tough to get Christmas for my daughter ~ or for anyone else.
I know, I know… Christmas is not about stuff. Not stuff you put in your house, not stuff you put under your tree… but it sure feels like something big is missing without that stuff.