Shoot…. I thought I was doing so well

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The meltdown started with a request that Kiki write her rough draft in pen, not pencil.  The theory behind this is that the child won’t worry about having to sharpen their pencil alot (it seems some kids are really bothered by the changes as the pencil dulls during the writing and it distracts them)  and also they don’t waste time erasing – just cross out something if you need to and move on.  But you’d thought I’d asked her to write it holding her pen in her teeth or something.  It turns out the little bugger is a perfectionist like me (ah, crap!)  and she hates her paper being messy (wait – have you seen your bedroom???)  Oh dear lord she is just like me.   Pity her.  Seriously.   As we tried to talk through it, it just got worse and worse.  First, you need to know we’ve been really fighting negativity with her.  I pick her up from somewhere and it’s all about "so-and-so did this" or "he is so annoying" or "I hate the way that…"  blah blah blah…it’s awful.  Always what is wrong with someone or some situation, never the good part.  She says she is just venting to me, but it’s way overboard in my opinion.  Alan is getting on her about it too… so back to today – suddenly everything is horrible and she is horrible and she hates herself and she’s a "jerk" and she wishes she was just ‘normal’ and not ‘funny’ because the kids at school don’t think she’s funny (ok, that’s because she has a very adult, sarcastic humor, don’t know why!) and everyone thinks she’s annoying and no one likes her and on and on and on….. and honestly at this point I was just feeling like "oh, do shut up!" and I’m not sure if it’s because it just seemed like she was trying to feel sorry for herself or if it’s because I felt like everytime I tried to find an answer she came up with a new problem, or maybe it’s just because I’m already stressed to the limit and I just haven’t got the energy to sort through her "tween-age" drama right now…. I don’t know; but I just didn’t feel like hearing it, ya know?  So I’m feeling like a bad mom.  Does my little girl need therapy so she doesn’t become depressed?   Is this normal 10-year old girl behavior?  I don’t want to freak out, but I don’t want to be like my parents who always dismissed my little sister’s odd behaviours by saying "it’s just a phase" because we all know that didn’t work out….Uhg.  Of course I am the mom and thinks my kid is great…but still, she seems to have lots of friends at school, and she always gets invited to everyone’s parties, and for sleepovers – so I don’t see the "nobody likes me" deal…. I know she can be bossy and yes, even annoying!  But I think kids like her….she stresses out over other kids’ problems too much as well… like her "BFF" who seems to be getting boy-crazy and this really upsets Kiki….
 
I don’t know what to do!  I have other problems right now… we are trying to refinance our house and it has to be done before Alan is out of work (duh) and the appraiser is coming Friday morning and my house is a shambles…..We have one more paycheck coming and then I don’t know what….and everytime I turn around there is one more mess my child has left behind and I don’t want to comfort her, I want to strangle her…..
 
Well, there goes the buzzer – I need to go work on the laundry….
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3 responses »

  1. Marissa can be the same.  Perfectionist, bossy, \’nobody likes me,\’ …..  Usually when she does the "I\’m such a jerk\’ thing, I make her go the the bathroom and splash cold water on her face.  Dunking the head under a running (cold) might work if the \’fit\’ is really big.  Luckily, she snaps out of it after a short time.  I may take to making her write:  "Why I ROCK" essays.  Maybe that would work for Kiki !!
    Marissa can stress as well.  She calls me at 8am last week.  I was in the car coming home from work.  SHe starts: "Mom, I just woke up this second. The alarm didn\’t go off.  I AM GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL.  I WILL MISS THE BUS.  What AM I GOING TO DO?????"   This is what I said on the phone:  "Go have a shower now.  Hurray a bit and I will drive you to school when I get home"   So on the car ride to school (She wasn\’t late!) I tell her that she shouldn\’t stess about missing the bus, so what.  SO what if she does miss the bus and can\’t get to school.  What is one day??  Who cares?  Don\’t let the little things stress you out.  I went on \’in my medical voice\’ how STRESS in a big cause of heart attacks and illness.  And told her she can handle anything if she faces it CALMLY.   I guess we shall see when the next time the alarm doesnt go off.

  2. Yes, part is being ten years old and realizing for the first time that she has control over how others react.  She\’ll test that as far as she can.  And of course the stress of the house hold takes it\’s toll on them also.  She has no control over the adult stuff you are dealing with but she can feel all that tension.  it\’s taking away from her and she feels it.  Doesn\’t understans it but feels the difference none the less.
     
    It wouldn\’t hurt to have the school counselor or therapist see her.  But brace yourself for her to bring all her feelings out into the open.  It\’s rough at first but you get use to it.  Sound pretty normal to me so that should be a relief to you.  Let her complain, it\’s just her way of getting your opionion on the world.  Each child has their own way of doing that. 
     
    I of course believe in astrology and numbers and was prepared for the different ways that each went through this.  A leo Scorpio child my first was a whole lot different then the Virgo boy and then a Aris girl.  What sign is your daughter…look the sign and birth day up and you\’ll have a better insight into how she feels.  LJ

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