The meltdown started with a request that Kiki write her rough draft in pen, not pencil. The theory behind this is that the child won’t worry about having to sharpen their pencil alot (it seems some kids are really bothered by the changes as the pencil dulls during the writing and it distracts them) and also they don’t waste time erasing – just cross out something if you need to and move on. But you’d thought I’d asked her to write it holding her pen in her teeth or something. It turns out the little bugger is a perfectionist like me (ah, crap!) and she hates her paper being messy (wait – have you seen your bedroom???) Oh dear lord she is just like me. Pity her. Seriously. As we tried to talk through it, it just got worse and worse. First, you need to know we’ve been really fighting negativity with her. I pick her up from somewhere and it’s all about "so-and-so did this" or "he is so annoying" or "I hate the way that…" blah blah blah…it’s awful. Always what is wrong with someone or some situation, never the good part. She says she is just venting to me, but it’s way overboard in my opinion. Alan is getting on her about it too… so back to today – suddenly everything is horrible and she is horrible and she hates herself and she’s a "jerk" and she wishes she was just ‘normal’ and not ‘funny’ because the kids at school don’t think she’s funny (ok, that’s because she has a very adult, sarcastic humor, don’t know why!) and everyone thinks she’s annoying and no one likes her and on and on and on….. and honestly at this point I was just feeling like "oh, do shut up!" and I’m not sure if it’s because it just seemed like she was trying to feel sorry for herself or if it’s because I felt like everytime I tried to find an answer she came up with a new problem, or maybe it’s just because I’m already stressed to the limit and I just haven’t got the energy to sort through her "tween-age" drama right now…. I don’t know; but I just didn’t feel like hearing it, ya know? So I’m feeling like a bad mom. Does my little girl need therapy so she doesn’t become depressed? Is this normal 10-year old girl behavior? I don’t want to freak out, but I don’t want to be like my parents who always dismissed my little sister’s odd behaviours by saying "it’s just a phase" because we all know that didn’t work out….Uhg. Of course I am the mom and thinks my kid is great…but still, she seems to have lots of friends at school, and she always gets invited to everyone’s parties, and for sleepovers – so I don’t see the "nobody likes me" deal…. I know she can be bossy and yes, even annoying! But I think kids like her….she stresses out over other kids’ problems too much as well… like her "BFF" who seems to be getting boy-crazy and this really upsets Kiki….
I don’t know what to do! I have other problems right now… we are trying to refinance our house and it has to be done before Alan is out of work (duh) and the appraiser is coming Friday morning and my house is a shambles…..We have one more paycheck coming and then I don’t know what….and everytime I turn around there is one more mess my child has left behind and I don’t want to comfort her, I want to strangle her…..
Well, there goes the buzzer – I need to go work on the laundry….