Alright. I’m not sure where to begin, even…. a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…. oh, wait, someone already told that story….
Alan is a hard worker. He always has been. He is the kind of employee that every employer dreams about…he gives 200% whether they deserve it or not. I am not saying that this is always a good thing, because guess what? If your husband gives 200% to his job, how much does that leave for home life? Do the math…. Great for employers, sucky for wives. This caused a lot of grief in our early marriage. It has gotten better over the years, though. He’s the kind of guy who can (and has) begun with a company as a part-time grunt and worked his way up to upper management. He’s a ladder-climber. Again, this is a trait that is both good and bad. I’m not bragging nor complaining about my husband, just telling it like it is. You can decide for yourself if these things are good, bad, or otherwise; I’m just stating fact. His last job was a pretty decent one. He made a good salary, not exactly riches, but okay. He had a company truck and a gas card…and that, my friends, is an enormous perk these days! He had to work hard, which he didn’t mind. He had to travel some, which he did mind. The problem was that he had gone as far as he could there. It is a smaller, family owned business, and the only positions above him were filled by family members…folks who would keep those positions until death or retirement, whichever came first. When the opportunity came up for his current job, he jumped at it…mainly because he thought he’d be able to buy the business out. It’s a chain of espresso shops, and the owners want out. We owned an espresso bar in Washington, and Alan loves the coffee business. The problem with the Washington deal was we owned the place with his family. Good Lord what was I thinking??? Well, at the time I was thinking he had to leave his job to get away from the ‘other woman’, and this was not just a different job but in a whole different state… so, it served it’s purpose, even though it bankrupted us. Hey, you win some you lose some – I gave up money for my marriage and I’m cool with that. The problem with the current job is that they weren’t making the $$ they claimed… Alan was supposed to earn a percentage of profits to buy out the business – which is tough if there are no profits. I can’t go into the whole "whys and wherefores" because to be honest, I don’t quite understand it all. We looked at the P&Ls and stuff… I don’t know. There is a whole litany of reasons the business isn’t doing well…however, one of those reasons is that the owners want things to be different yet refuse to do anything differently. HUH?? Yeah. Exactly. They wanted Alan to fight the battle with his arms tied behind his back. The owners finally decided they needed to cut back on expenses and guess what? Alan is their biggest expense. He thought this was coming for a long time, but they kept saying "oh, no, we have no plans to get rid of you"….so it wasn’t a huge shock, we kind of saw it coming… it makes total sense from a business perspective. And yet, it stinks. Poor Alan feels like a failure even though it was stuff beyond his control. He has never in his life lost a job. It’s knocked him a bit off-kilter. Okay, a lot off-kilter. I wasn’t sold on the idea from the get-go, but I believe that since he’s the one who has to go to work every day, that I need to support his decisions, and so I did. This whole ending doesn’t surprise me a bit… but it scares me alot! Remember I said the old business bankrupted us? I wasn’t kidding. We have nothing – I mean, as far as money goes. We lost every cent we had on that little venture. We’ve recovered enough that we could buy a house and a car and all… (so we have a mortgage and a car payment!) But we’ve not been able to rebuild any savings… I think our savings account has $15.00 in it. Maybe. Alan will be employed for three more weeks. There is no severance package, no extended funds. Do you see why I’m worried?? There is no "buffer". We barely make it paycheck to paycheck….without a paycheck it won’t be long at all – a couple weeks? – before we can’t make any of our payments and the creditors start calling. Aw, man, I’ve been there before and I never ever wanted to go there again!!
Then there is the ‘other side of the coin’. I believe God is my provider. I believe He loves me and has my best interests in mind. So how can I fret and worry? Does that mean my faith is too small? I want to be a light – I don’t want people to look at me and think I have no hope. I suppose the scary part is that we never quite know what God has in mind. Like my pastor said Sunday, "you can’t diagram God". We can never know how He is going to move in any given circumstance. Because He’s God. And I’m not. He created the Universe, and I can’t even keep my house clean! I know I will always have a roof over my head and food to eat, because I have been blessed with a wonderful family and friends who love me. I know there are people in my position who would be facing homelessness if they had these same circumstances, and I praise God that won’t be us. Still – yikes. Alan has been applying for every job that is reasonably close to what he needs or can do, but nothing yet. It may be that next week we both have to go out and find just any old kind of jobs so we can maybe pay our bills. I don’t know how that might affect the homeschooling, but one day at a time, eh? We don’t really want to move, either. Kiki being an only child, I love her having all her cousins around. Not to mention that this is already her third school, and I really don’t want to take her out. Her school is also a very unique situation; not one that can be easily replaced.
Well, that’s pretty much the story at this point. Of course, the entire refrigerator died and it’s going to cost us at least $200.00 just for the service call and repair costs, not to mention whatever parts might be needed. Which completely makes me livid since the stinkin’ thing is only 4 years old!! And the fact we now have, like, no food, since it all had to be thrown out. We have a tiny fridge in the garage so we were able to keep a few things…ketchup… you can make soup with that and some water, right? lol. Then there is the poor rattie. (Disclaimer!! This is going to get gross, so I’m warning you now… quit reading if you’re squeamish) When we came into the office today (her cage is in here) we found blood splatters all over the sides of her cage. I mean, eyywww. It’s not pretty. I can’t find anything externally wrong with her, so it’s obviously an internal thing. She needs vet care, but even under the best of circumstances I’d be hard pressed to talk Alan into spending much money on a rat… and of course these are anything but the best of circumstances! I’m not sure really what to do about her. I’ll pray God has compassion (on me!) and just lets her die in her sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a field trip and I have no gas. No money to buy gas. Yep, it’s going to be an interesting time in our lives.