Two more days have gone by without me blogging or posting or actually, being ‘here’ at all…. maybe it’s because I’m not here at all!! I swear I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Do they even call it that now? What is the proper "P.C." term for completely going out of your mind?? I feel as if I’m in the middle of a tornado, and I’m losing my grip… there is no real reason for this that I can pin down. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just feel…spun about. I don’t know how else to describe it. Poor Kiki, I have little -to-no patience whatsoever. Maybe it’s Christmas? It seems like there is soooo much going on over the next few weeks, and I’m not prepared, really. But it’s more than that…I feel like…gosh, I don’t know how to describe it… like, life is slipping by and I’m just not doing the stuff I want or need. Like teaching Kiki all the stuff I think she should be learning. Doing the extra-curricular stuff to make her a well-rounded person. Feeding her right so she’s not such a "well rounded" person. Working on my marriage. Working on…me. I want to achieve something in my life, and I’m not doing it. Whatever ‘it’ is… It’s like, I’m afraid I will wake up and Kiki’s tired of waiting for me to do something…like, stupid stuff, she wants us to dress alike but I’m way too fat for that, but if – when – I ever lose weight…well, she’s not going to want to match me when she’s 15! Not that that is so important, it’s just that sort of thing… like I’m running out of time or something…. that ‘impending doom’ feeling hanging over me. Maybe I just need some sleep….