Finally! That sounds awful, doesn’t it? It was just a whole lot of work. Kind of like marriage, no? To be honest, the class had value. There was a lot of information that made sense, although it wasn’t anything we didn’t really know. Sort of like dieting… I mean, it’s not like I don’t know that if I want to lose weight I should eat less and move more. Duh. It’s the same with marriage, really… I need to fulfill my spouse’s needs, (especially if I don’t want someone else to!) to be aware of his ‘love languages’ and learn to speak them, to be less selfish and more giving… I think most of us know these things. However, just as it is hard to "eat less and move more" when I am addicted to food and trying to use it to fill my empty spaces, it is hard to be the wife God intended me to be when I am hurt, or angry, or tired, or I feel like I deserve something better, or whatever….when we feel like "I’d do my part if my spouse would do his". Guess what? Have you ever read anywhere in the Bible that you are called to be who God wants you to be when those around you deserve it ??? I haven’t read that part. "Christ died for us while we were yet sinners." I think I have read that.
I have spent a good deal of my marriage – ever since my husband’s affair – feeling like I didn’t have to really do my part because he owed me. And while that may be true, you know what? It hasn’t helped my marriage. Huh – Who knew??!! I may be tired…tired of being depressed, tired of living a life of mediocrity, tired of a marriage that feels so often like a ‘roommate’ sort of situation, just plain physically tired. Well, "so what" to me! It’s time to change. I think the biggest value in the class was that we were forced to sit down for at least a while each night and really talk about US. Not "did you pay that bill" or "do you know what the kids did today" but about US. We made a commitment last night to continue that. We both want to rise up above our mediocre life and dull marriage and be "all that we can be". No, I don’t mean we’re joining the army! God’s army, I guess…marching against selfishness and lack of trying, lol.
Of course, I’ve wanted to do this before. I’ve wanted to lose weight before! Change is never easy. It’s so much easier to stay where I am, even if I’m dying here. Staying generally doesn’t take effort. Just hanging out, waiting for the end…. So, we are going to try. So the end will be something more to look forward to than just the ‘end of what is’. So we can enjoy the trip along the way. I’ll admit, I’m scared. Because it hasn’t worked before. We try to crawl out of our hole and end up slipping back down. However, I have also read "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"….I will use that for my footholds when the going gets slippery.