I SHOULD – But I don’t WANNA!!!

I have rebellion issues.  I’ve admitted that before.  I swear, part of my trouble with losing weight and getting healthy is because people tell me I should, and tell me how I should do it.  This is not a smart way to go about my life, I know.  However.  Here I am.  This morning a group of moms at the Co-op were talking about this weight loss/Bible study deal called Prism.  I am sure it is a good plan.  I am sure it would do me good.  I don’t want to join their little club.  Partly, I think it’s because of who is doing it.  Don’t get me wrong, they are a nice bunch of gals and I know they care and all that….it’s just that….well…I don’t even know if I can fully explain what I’m feeling.  Partly, it’s because the "biggest" one among them probably needs to lose all of, maybe 10 pounds.  I am not about to let this group of people know how much weigh!  Another issue is that it starts tonight and goes for 6 weeks, and it’s very strict those 6 weeks.  No white sugar, no flour, etc. etc.  Do these women understand it is 4 weeks until Christmas??!!  I mean, seriously.  My family expects cookies and plenty of them.  And chocolate.  To be honest, so do I!  It wouldn’t be the same….I mean, I don’t intend to cram it in until I puke or something, but I know myself well enough to know that I could not stick to a program like that right now….maybe after the Holidays.  I also can’t do it without the support of Alan and Kiki, and it would be war if I said we were not having any Christmas goodies…at all…  Yah.  Right.  Partly, it is, well, a spiritual thing, and again I don’t think I can fully explain this.  You see, I have this – thing – with the Holy Spirit.  Well, that’s not really accurate….I have a thing with people who think they have the whole realm of Godliness and some of us are – to use their term – baby Christians.  I hate that expression with a depth I cannot express.  Since the 6th grade when I went to an Assembly of God church camp (this was right after they ‘discovered’ speaking in tongues) and they tried to force us to join in under threat of going to Hell, I have been wary of those sorts of people.  Which is sad, because I believe in the gifts of the Spirit.  I honestly feel I have been missing out on things that the Lord has for me because I don’t want to become one of…. them.  The ‘holier than thou’ Christian who says to me "well, you’ll get it someday"….aarrrgh.  There are some women in this group like that.  One was in an evening small group I was in (from church) where we’d been doing some good studies and such…but she left because she wanted to start a group where they just "let the Spirit flow".   Because I guess He wasn’t coming to our group.  I know I sound totally cynical… I told you, I have issues!  They talk about the amazing things the Spirit is doing and all (and I know He does!) but did one of them ever ask to pray over me when I was struggling on the edge of Pnuemonia for the 3rd year and my doctor couldn’t get a handle on it??  Um, nope.  So, I am feeling cranky today.  Because I have also been struggling with this weird feeling of, well, impending doom sort of, like any day now I will have a heart attack or a stroke or find out I have diabetes or something…which, because of my obesity isn’t really just strictly paranoia…it could honestly happen, and it scares me.  So I  know I need to do something, and this Prism thing would probably be really helpful…. but… where are the other fat, "struggling Christian" moms??   Lol.

10 responses »

  1. Well, hello there. Followed you back from your visit to my blog, nice to meet you. I hope you are having fun with your mental image of me!!
    What the heck is a weight loss/bible study???? Now I\’m having bizaare mental pictures of my own. I also am the type who went left just because people were insisting I go right, so I understand. Can\’t stand that sort of Christianity myself. Don\’t let it go getting between you and God though. One of my favourite quotes along those lines has always been – \’Oh Lord, save me from your followers!\’ Take no notice. See you soon!

  2. Here\’s one! With 60-70 pounds to lose. Honestly, my only motivation for losing weight is health reasons. I\’m pre-diabetic, and I really want to live a long, healthy, balanced life, so I am really trying to lose weight. That is all! I also do it on my own terms. I joined a gym and go whenever I can — completely alone and how I like it, even if it isn\’t the most effective method. The hard part is cutting back on the junk food, which I am getting better at. And I never, ever discuss my weight with anyone else, besides maybe my mom. It\’s none of their business, and frankly, I\’m not interested in their weight problems either. Join the club, y\’know?
    I grew up the daughter of an Assemblies of God pastor. Oohhhh, the stories I could tell. 😉 Believe me, I\’ve seen it all.
    It was around college (an A/G college, no less), where I realized I don\’t have to believe their exact doctrine, and I don\’t have to live under the bondage of legalism. I stayed with A/G for many years after that, but never felt guilty for not going along with the flow always. Truth is, the church gave me a great foundation for my faith. I\’ve since quit the A/G (attending Evangelical Free), and I have mixed feelings about it to this day, but at the same time, I\’m grateful for my religious upbringing, and also that I am more open-minded than the people I grew up with!

  3. Hi Ann,
    I am a great believer that we each have to do it when WE are ready.  I wish stresses didn\’t affect the way I eat, but they do.  Even when I know better, I don\’t always make healthy choices.  I need to stay fit and active to keep up with the four little ones entrusted to our care.  I focused last summer and lost 15 lbs.  I kept it off for quite awhile and then I recently let about 8 sneak back on.  (I went to the land of treats by way of Dairy Queen when I discovered the French Silk Pie Blizzard!)  It\’s tough for me to get back on track once I derail.  I know I can do it, so I think I\’m the queen of rationalizing.  I would really like to take off about 30.  It makes me feel sooo much better and energetic. 
    Once I get the sweets out of my system for about two days, I don\’t even crave them!  I have to have a doctor\’s check up in 6 and a half weeks and that\’s also around when we are going down to AZ for a wedding.  I know Dave would love it for me to be comfortable in a bathing suit and I know the kids would love having mom play in the pool with them. 
    Ann, I\’m going to hold out my hand and my heart to you because I want you to be strong and healthy for your family, especially Kiki.  I am going to surround you with prayer and the Holy Spirit lifting you up.  Every time I think about not eating healthy, I will say a prayer for both of us.  (That should be pretty often … haha) 
    You are not alone!  You are truly loved in a Christian spirit!  God has great things in store for you!
    Jacque  🙂

  4. I\’m a rebel at heart as well and I definitely would NOT start Prism right now!  I couldn\’t even go one week on the program seeing as how it is no white flour, no sugar…. My sister-in-law did Prism about 8 years ago and it was hard to keep with the program…..Besides, I wouldn\’t feel comfortable with women who only needed to lose 10-15 pounds! 
    Whatever you do, know that you have your on-line cheering section here rooting for success in all that you do!!
    Take care,

  5. Ann,
    Like yourself I can be very stubborn and legalism of religion makes me even more stubborn.  I fully believe that God can help us overcome anything… but it is between us and God…individually.  If you like being involved in a Christian, or otherwise, group activity, that encourages and helps you…wonderful.  If you think that Christmas is an obtuse time to try to be severe on yourself with eating habits…wonderful.  My personal opinion is that if I am moderate about my eating habits I can increase my choices…but more importantly…need to get consistent exercise as I get older and my metabolism slows.  I am not as disciplined as I could be, especially with exercising regularly, but am working on it and have made improvements.  Keep plugging away, at your own pace and in your own way, and your friends (we) can pray for one another.  This is one of the things I love about being a Christian…having hope and being able to pray for one another because of Jesus.
    Love and hugs,

  6. Another "fat struggling Christian mom" over here; I totally understand resisting joining a group of "slightly" overweight people- cutting out the daily latte & they would make goal. They really can\’t understand the struggles of people facing 75+ lb & overcoming a whacked out metabolism; it goes so far beyond "exercising a little self-control"
    Keep at it- make the good choices, move a little more each day, & believe in yourself.
    BTW- kudos on another MSN feature spot 🙂

  7. I just found your website and you are amazing!  I feel like you were speaking "for" me.  I, too, am a homeschooler. My son is 16 and attended public school until this year.  The school he was attending was swarming with drugs and gangs (you wouldn\’t think it because I live in a tiny little town in Tennessee), but it\’s for real.  I am a single parent.  I have diabetes.  I am overweight.  I am disabled. My dad was a pentecostal minister, not the "don\’t cut your hair or wear earrings or God will have a heart attach type".  Our church was more progressive.  I attended until my dad passed away and then something just happened to me.  I can\’t explain it.  I had no desire to go to church at all.  I still love God and talk to him daily. I am blessed even though I know that many, many times I do not deserve it. I think we have to love ourselves and be happy with who we are.  Would I change things if I could?  Probably.  I can just hear my prayer now.  Thank you Lord for making me as thin as Nicole Kidman and as beautiful as Angelina Jolie (without the tattoos), for making me have beautiful hair like Jennifer Anniston, and violet eyes like Elizabeth Taylor.  I think he might say something like "But Debbie, thats not how I made you, and I don\’t make mistakes!"
     Thanks for making my day.  I look forward to reading more soon….
    P.S.  Have you ever noticed that there are no paintings of skinny angels?  I believe that God loves us just the way we are.  After all, He is the one that made us.

  8. Pffht!  That\’s what New Years is for – resolutions.  No one with half a mind or more gives up sugar in December.  I don\’t think even God is going to help you with that.  haha.
    I, too, am the rebellious type.  If people tell me something, I feel like they are implying that I am too stupid to know it myself.  Which I\’m not.   I just choose to ignore… certain things.
    Now, I am by NO means telling you what to do here, but if it were me I would probably look for a good book (as opposed to THE good book) on exercise/diet.  Some plan that I could live with and appealed to my lifestyle.  I mean I\’m sure not going to lose weight or get in shape if I don\’t like the program.  I also have some friends who really like weight-watchers.  Just some ideas.  No pressure, no hype.  ;o)
    Oh!  Another thought – there are some online weightloss tools, also.  You could be totally anonymous.

  9. I didn\’t catch your name so I\’ll just call you…"mama"?  🙂
    I liked your blog about the "6 week weight loss plan" and the giddy gals who are trying to get you to join.  I think they really do care about you…and it certainly couldn\’t hurt, and least not for TRYING, eh? 🙂 I know what you mean about the "don\’t wanna" part!  To get where I want to be weight-wise (around 130-135), I need to lose about 60 lbs.! I\’ve been going to aerobics classes at the local YMCA for the past 5 months, and I\’ve trimmed down a bit but I don\’t feel that I\’ve really lost alot, especially around the "equator", ya know?–hahaha!  It\’s very difficult to trim down the diet to match the exercise plan.  But it just takes determination.  I think of it this way:  I just turned 40 this past Sept.; I\’m STILL single, and still have no children.  Who\’s going to take care of me when I get old?  Of course God will, but He expects me to do something also, to help myself where I can.  So, slowly but surely, WITH GOD\’S HELP, I am trying to do something to help myself in the future, and I\’ll be glad I did.  God bless you as you TRY to exercise and eat better, allbeit AFTER Christmas of course! 🙂  Consider yourself encouraged!  🙂

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