I have rebellion issues. I’ve admitted that before. I swear, part of my trouble with losing weight and getting healthy is because people tell me I should, and tell me how I should do it. This is not a smart way to go about my life, I know. However. Here I am. This morning a group of moms at the Co-op were talking about this weight loss/Bible study deal called Prism. I am sure it is a good plan. I am sure it would do me good. I don’t want to join their little club. Partly, I think it’s because of who is doing it. Don’t get me wrong, they are a nice bunch of gals and I know they care and all that….it’s just that….well…I don’t even know if I can fully explain what I’m feeling. Partly, it’s because the "biggest" one among them probably needs to lose all of, maybe 10 pounds. I am not about to let this group of people know how much I weigh! Another issue is that it starts tonight and goes for 6 weeks, and it’s very strict those 6 weeks. No white sugar, no flour, etc. etc. Do these women understand it is 4 weeks until Christmas??!! I mean, seriously. My family expects cookies and plenty of them. And chocolate. To be honest, so do I! It wouldn’t be the same….I mean, I don’t intend to cram it in until I puke or something, but I know myself well enough to know that I could not stick to a program like that right now….maybe after the Holidays. I also can’t do it without the support of Alan and Kiki, and it would be war if I said we were not having any Christmas goodies…at all… Yah. Right. Partly, it is, well, a spiritual thing, and again I don’t think I can fully explain this. You see, I have this – thing – with the Holy Spirit. Well, that’s not really accurate….I have a thing with people who think they have the whole realm of Godliness and some of us are – to use their term – baby Christians. I hate that expression with a depth I cannot express. Since the 6th grade when I went to an Assembly of God church camp (this was right after they ‘discovered’ speaking in tongues) and they tried to force us to join in under threat of going to Hell, I have been wary of those sorts of people. Which is sad, because I believe in the gifts of the Spirit. I honestly feel I have been missing out on things that the Lord has for me because I don’t want to become one of…. them. The ‘holier than thou’ Christian who says to me "well, you’ll get it someday"….aarrrgh. There are some women in this group like that. One was in an evening small group I was in (from church) where we’d been doing some good studies and such…but she left because she wanted to start a group where they just "let the Spirit flow". Because I guess He wasn’t coming to our group. I know I sound totally cynical… I told you, I have issues! They talk about the amazing things the Spirit is doing and all (and I know He does!) but did one of them ever ask to pray over me when I was struggling on the edge of Pnuemonia for the 3rd year and my doctor couldn’t get a handle on it?? Um, nope. So, I am feeling cranky today. Because I have also been struggling with this weird feeling of, well, impending doom sort of, like any day now I will have a heart attack or a stroke or find out I have diabetes or something…which, because of my obesity isn’t really just strictly paranoia…it could honestly happen, and it scares me. So I know I need to do something, and this Prism thing would probably be really helpful…. but… where are the other fat, "struggling Christian" moms?? Lol.