Warning!! Warning!! Vent in progress!!

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I am soooo irritated!  However, at this point I am not sure if I am more irritated with my sister, or with myself.  First, a disclaimer:  I love my sister.  She’s a good person.  With good intentions.  Recently however, she has been annoying me.  Last fall sometime, she found a new friend.  My sister, well, all of our lives, she’s claimed that we are great friends, but if she has some other "great friend" I tend to get left behind.   It’s just how it is, and most of our younger years it didn’t matter.  She had her group of friends and I had mine.  I didn’t want to hang out with her weirdo pals, honostly!  As we’ve gotten older, though, we’ve gotten closer.  With both of us having little girls close in age, and with the death of our younger sister, you just sort of realize how important those family ties are…at least, I thought that was the case.  But maybe it was just because she didn’t have other friends?  I’ve really been put on the back burner this past year.  Not only that, but she’s gotten…well, I don’t know how to explain it….she’s ‘weirded out’, it seems.  Maybe I’m partly jealous…she’s lost a lot of weight (even tho she didn’t have much to lose) and she looks good, and has bought a bunch of new clothes.  Okay, sure, I’m the one who needs to lose the weight… but, more annoying is her constant whining about how they are so poor and she "hasn’t had a new coat since 1995…"  What-ever.  She has way more clothes and shoes than me…and I don’t begrudge her a bit, but shut up already!  I  realize that part of my anger with her is because our daughters are having a hard time getting along, and it is mostly because her girl can be really unkind to Kiki…like, tonight…she was supposed to come spend the night, but then her big brothers and some friends were going out to do some fun stuff, and she wanted to go with them, and they said ok..(good big brothers, I never wanted my little sis hanging around!!)  so, she didn’t come over.  And poor Kiki cried.  Now, the fact that our girls struggle with each other isn’t really my sister’s fault.  But I can get all ‘Mama Bear’ about it, you know?  Then, there is the way she has gotten so slack about her older children’s behavior. (they are 19 & 21)  They are doing things that just aren’t cool, and she appears to be okay with it…in fact, she is somewhat defensive of their ‘antics’ when it is brought up.  And the way she is with her stinkin’ cell phone!!  Good grief, she texts as much as her kids do, and she’s texting to them and their friends!  Her 2nd teen-hood??  The other night, Kiki’s birthday celebration, she and her family were over half an hour late….because some of her kid’s friends showed up, so she made them dinner…. that just doesn’t seem cool to me, when we expected them….  but she always wants to be involved in everything so she will disrupt other’s lives so she doesn’t have to miss anything.  
Then there is the money business.  Like I said, it’s constant whining…’poor, poor me.’  I don’t think they are any worse off than Alan and I are.  Not that we are rolling in the dough, but I don’t gripe.  If we need something, we figure it out.  If we can’t do it, well, we are still alive, aren’t we.  When Kiki wanted to go to camp, we figured out how to pay for it…My sister, on the other hand,  cried to the Children’s ministry leader and got a scholarship for her Jr. Hi schooler to attend his camp.. Last year, I didn’t go to the Women’s retreat at church because we just didn’t have the money… she gave her sob story to the gals in her Bible study and she got a scholarship so she could go.    Now, if you are truly a hardship case, I don’t have any problem with that… that is what the scholarship funds are for.  But, not for people who went on a European vacation last summer, do ya think??  We all make our choices, so why does she think she is above having to make cuts? 
 
So, here is the ‘real deal’.  Her oldest son is heading back out of state to college this weekend.  She asked me if I would drive him down with her….now, under the premise "it will be so good to have some time together, just the two of us" but, I  have the bigger, reliable car.  She is afraid to drive hers that many miles.  I told her I’d go, and we could take my car, but she’d have to pay all the gas…my SUV is a gas hog, and I simply haven’t got any extra $$ just before school starts.  So I am really mad at myself for saying I’d do it.  I don’t feel like it.  But, I feel like maybe she and I need to have a heart-to-heart.  I am asking you, my friends, to pray for me this weekend… I need to have a serious talk with her, but I want to do it with love and kindness, not out of a jealous or angry spirit. 
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4 responses »

  1.  I agree you don\’t want to have this discussion when you\’re venting, but, on the other hand, you do want to have a real heart-to-heart with her.  If there are things that she is allowing her child to do to your little one, then tell her.  If she is \’dumping\’ on you in favor of someone else, tell her that it hurts you.  My sister and I are always honest with each other, no matter how much it hurts.  She will tell me flat out that I haven\’t seen her enough in the year (she\’s 700 miles away), but on the other hand I ragged on her when she hadn\’t been to my house in 3 years.  (I\’m retired and she\’s not.)   Family is all we\’ve got, anyway.  They\’re the ones that really \’get\’ us and the ones who will tell us things we don\’t want to hear from anyone else.  I do agree with you that she should not be appealing to the charity bank when she\’s not tried to fund things for herself first.  That is reserved for the truly needy at our church. The trying to be like a teenager to appear \’cool\’ is NUTS.  She is a PARENT first and that may come back and bite her in the long run, I\’m afraid. 
    On your journey together, remember to tell her you love her first and then tell her the things that are concerning to you.  Follow it up with how much you love her and things should go all right.  God bless you and I\’ll be sending up some prayers for you.
     
    MJ

  2.  First and second… happy happy to you!  and to the 10 year old!  Which beirthday made you feel older? LOL  When the twins turned 12 and the baby turned 2 in May, I thought… it\’s a good thing my brithday is 1/2 a year away, cause they should not be that old! LOL
     
    Oh, and the family thing!  Isn\’t it true that you\’re born with them, you can\’t choose them?  Arg!  Sometimes my little sister drives me nuts… it\’s a good thing that she lives 2 hours away, within striking distance from our mom.  THEY are made for each other… I was always Daddy\’s girl… which is the role that makes me jealous!  Being closer to them, she is often doing things for every birthday and minor holiday, that I just don\’t take the time to do.  So I can feel your pain, but in a different way I guess.
    My advice, she has to pay for the fuel, you use the time to tell her everything about your relationship that you like and then launch into how you\’ve been hurting because of this action and the other.  Then take a deep breath and let what happens, happen.  Redirect your very loving energies into someone who will appreciate them.  And make sure you grumble with somebody, or on your blog, when her ways with charity and money drives you nuts.   Been there and done that one too!  You can\’t change that behavior in her, and until it impacts you personally, just let it go.  It\’s aggravating to sit and watch her do it, but it\’s taking more from your beautiful spirit than hers.
    Have a great weekend!  And I hope you get what you need out of this favor you\’re doing for her.

  3. That\’s why I\’m glad that both of my sisters live out of state. Seriously. My younger sister especially gets on my nerves. The sibling rivalry never does really die… 

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