I have been crying alot lately. Just ask Kiki -"Mom, what is wrong?? You’re crying again…? Maybe you need to be banned from the computer; it makes you cry too much." Lol. These tears are not because of my own sorrow, though. I’ve been doing alot of blog-walking (yes, my dear husband, I know you think there are better ways I could spend my time). I have cried over mothers losing their babies from CDH and other things, and I cannot imagine the pain. I have cried over parents whose older children are lost and struggling. Over people losing ones dear to their hearts from cancer, old age, accidents, anger and estrangement. I have cried over those dealing with pain, both physical and emotional. Maybe I am crazy, (well, there is no maybe…but am I alone in this?) sometimes, it feels good to cry. Because, I think, it connects us. No one on this planet is free from the pain of a sin-filled world. We may have moments when life is just flowing along, but somewhere down the river, the current gets stronger, the rapids come…maybe even an unforseen waterfall that’s going to smash us at the bottom. I think we, especially women, have forgotten how to connect with one another. We are so busy, protecting our hearts and our own little worlds, we don’t reach out…I have heard so many women say they don’t even like other women…we are afraid of one another, that someone else is prettier, smarter, sexier – is going to steal our man…. and we do…we hurt one another, when we should be locking arms to face the day. You see, I’ve noticed something. I was reminded of it the other day while reading the blog of a mom who lost her precious baby the day it came into the world. When she was given the diagnosis, and was beginning to understand that her baby was being born simply to die, it angered her that life kept going on. People all around her just went on about their lives, oblivious to the fact that her life had come to a screeching halt at that moment. She was mad at those people; she wanted to yell at them "Stop it! Just stop it!" Stop being happy; stop blithely going about your life…and, here is the thing…I have felt that exact same emotion. From a totally different cause. The memory is very clear in my mind of a day I was spending with my parents after Alan and I had separated. We were taking a walk in the park; it was a beautiful, warm day. People were laughing, playing, enjoying the day. It made me soooo mad. I mean, I wanted to hit them, scream at them. How could they just be like that, when my world had ended?? What was wrong with them?? My pain was so all-encompassing, couldn’t they feel it, too? Then, another memory. During that same period when my marriage was in tatters, a very dear friend called. She and her husband had moved across the country, and we’d lost touch. She was calling because she’d just found out she had cancer, very advanced…the doctors were basically telling her she had weeks, maybe months, left. Then she said something that blew me away… when she went out among the "living" – as she called them – she got so angry…how could people just be going about their lives like everything was fine when her life had just come to a screeching halt? Do you see? Do you understand? It doesn’t matter if we haven’t shared the exact same problem as someone else…chances are, we have felt the pain! We need to embrace one another, help each other stand, help find a reason for that person to face another day…. or, maybe, to simply cry with them.
Postnote: The doctors were wrong. My friend is still alive, very well, more than a dozen years later. She and her husband now have a beautiful little girl, and their life is, at the moment, quite rosy!