Yesterday, I told Alan I thought I was dying…he said, you know you aren’t, you just wish you could. Totally. I am sick of being sick and I have no one to blame but myself. My physical condition is appalling. It’s no wonder my body can’t fight off any germ that happens to pass by. I went to the Dr. today, and I have bronchitis…which is better than pnuemonia I suppose, but feels basically as crappy. At first she was concerned that I did have pneumonia, but after putting me on the breathalizer (heehee, not really, it’s a…a…oh, shoot, I can’t think of what it’s called, it’s this electric inhaler thingy that forces medicine into your lungs to loosen them up so the Dr. can hear them better) anyhoo, I "just" have bronchitis…yeehaw. I am going to be completely honest, here… I am freaking out over the state of my health. Seriously. Lately, I have been looking at older people who are on oxygen, cruising around on their motorized chairs, and thinking "that is going to be me if I don’t clean up my act now". It’s a horrible thought. I know, I know, it’s all up to me…eat right, exercise… I’m not an idiot… I know what needs to be done… I’m just mental… I have issues. If I was, percentage wise, as underweight as I am overweight, I’d totally be anorexic and being rushed to be under a psychiatrist’s care. Or I’d be dead; I don’t know, can you weigh 65lbs at 5’2" and still be alive?? Yeah, it’s that bad….My body is a wreck, and I’ve been doing the wrecking. I come from a very healthy family. Every time I look at my sister I want to slap her ’cause she’s so slender. (as if it’s her "fault", I know…) So why does everyone look at me and think "geez, lady, just go on a diet already"…why doesn’t anyone rush me off to the shrink?? Because that’s what I need, I think. Here we go loopty doo, here we go looopti -dee…. Yup. Soooo, I’m hacking up a lung, and you should hear the amazing, strange sounds that are coming from my throat! It’s like, weird, I don’t know how to describe it… last night, it sounded like I had a basket full of mewing kitties in my chest. I couldn’t sleep, not because of the coughing but because of the cacophany of sounds emanating from my throat whenever I exhaled. It’s just…freaky. Oh, my friends, I need you all to pray for me! I seriously need the Lord to jump in here and intervene…it’s quite obvious I cannot lose weight on my own strength. I need to do the work to get my "temple" repaired, to renovate… and it would seem the workmen are on strike.
Well, I told Kiki we could lay in my bed together and watch a movie (and, no, I don’t have a TV in my room, I am totally against that…but we can play it on the laptop…) "Santa" put a DVD of "Flight of the Navigator" in my stocking (anyone remember that movie?) so we will watch that. I hope everyone is feeling healthier than me!! Take care of yourselves!