Let me preface this by saying I got absolutely no sleep last night – I was actually watching TV at 4am because I got tired of staring at the ceiling – have you ever been unable to sleep for whatever reason (like, you are freaking out because you have a bajillion things to do and your brain just won’t shut off) then you get so wound up over not being able to sleep that you are a bigger mess – and more wide awake – than ever? Yeah, that was me last night. So today, while trying…emphasis on trying… to get my stuff done, I was nearly in a panic mode. My brain just kept spinning, to the point I felt physically dizzy. I am so insane. So at the moment, I am close to falling asleep here on my keyboard, because I just drank a big glass of milk, pumpkin spiced eggnog and Kahlua. I really want to sleep tonight! I am not a big drinker, so this should do it for me! It was gooood, too. The stupidest part of this is that, almost always, if I have an event going on, I wait until the very last minute then do all my work in a "flight of the bumblebee" panic mode… and, I always get done! But this time was going to be different. I have been trying for a week and a half to get everything done that I hoped to accomplish, so I wouldn’t have to be rushing at the last minute. It so didn’t work. Everything that can go wrong has, and Alan seems to think if I’d only "stuck to the schedule" I would be so much farther along….hellloooo??? Has he not been listening to all my pratfalls this week?! Now, at the beginning of the week, my mom said she would come clean the house for me, while my sister and I put up the Christmas decorations. I was like, thanks but no, I can handle it. She was actually kind of insistant… I think she wants to do something nice for me, and cleaning is what she does. She does it well, and she likes it. Which is so totally beyond my ability to reason out that I am sure she can’t be serious! But, she has a servant’s heart. It is her gift. Well, I accepted, but to myself I said "Ha! No way. I will get it all done beforehand, so when she calls Thursday morning, I can say ‘Thanks, mom, but I’m all done.’ " Because I am not going to be like my sister who always has to get bailed out by someone doing her tasks because she can’t pull it together! I am pretty sure I have whined about this particular irritation of mine on my blog in the past. Guess what? Mommy is gonna have to come over tomorrow and help me clean my house because… because…. I’m a loser. What more can I say? I don’t mind my sis coming over to help me decorate; that is her gift… it looks the best when she is involved in the design. But having my mom come help me clean? I just want to cry. You realize that means she will see how dirty the place actually is. Alan hasn’t come right out and said it, but I know he is mad at me for it as well. Of course all week he hasn’t gotten up off his hind end to help me out a little. In fact, this afternoon, I asked him if he would please write a list of the "goodies" he’d like me to fix for the party, so I could go shopping tomorrow afternoon… and he starts talking about – the floor lamp in the living room!! "Do you think we should move that over here, or what about there…" I respond "What??!! Move the… What??!? No!! What are you talking about?!" Somedays I just feel like banging my head against the wall. Today was that kind of day.