Okay, Okay, I give up!

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Let me preface this by saying I got absolutely no sleep last night – I was actually watching TV at 4am because I got tired of staring at the ceiling – have you ever been unable to sleep for whatever reason (like, you are freaking out because you have a bajillion things to do and your brain just won’t shut off) then you get so wound up over not being able to sleep that you are a bigger mess – and more wide awake – than ever?  Yeah, that was me last night.  So today, while trying…emphasis on trying… to get my stuff done, I was nearly  in a panic mode.  My brain just kept spinning,  to the point I felt physically dizzy.  I am so insane.  So at the moment, I am close to falling asleep here on my keyboard, because I just drank a big glass of milk, pumpkin spiced eggnog and Kahlua.  I really want to sleep tonight!  I am not a big drinker, so this should do it for me!  It was gooood, too.   The stupidest part of this is that, almost always, if I have an event going on, I wait until the very last minute then do all my work in a "flight of the bumblebee" panic mode… and, I always get done!  But this time was going to be different.  I have been trying for a week and a half to get everything done that I hoped to accomplish, so I wouldn’t have to be rushing at the last minute.  It so didn’t work.  Everything that can go wrong has, and Alan seems to think if I’d only "stuck to the schedule" I would be so much farther along….hellloooo???  Has he not been listening to all my pratfalls this week?!  Now, at the beginning of the week, my mom said she would come clean the house for me, while my sister and I put up the Christmas decorations.  I was like, thanks but no, I can handle it.  She was actually kind of insistant… I think she wants to do something nice for me, and cleaning is what she does.  She does it well, and she likes it.  Which is so totally beyond my ability to reason out that I am sure she can’t be serious!  But, she has a servant’s heart.  It is her gift.  Well, I accepted, but to myself I said "Ha! No way.  I will get it all done beforehand, so when she calls Thursday morning, I can say ‘Thanks, mom, but I’m all done.’ "  Because I am not going to be like my sister who always has to get bailed out by someone doing her tasks because she can’t pull it together!  I am pretty sure I have whined about this particular irritation of mine on my blog in the past.  Guess what?  Mommy is gonna have to come over tomorrow and help me clean my house because… because…. I’m a loser.  What more can I say?   I don’t mind my sis coming over to help me decorate; that is her gift… it looks the best when she is involved in the design.  But having my mom come help me clean?  I just want to cry.  You realize that means she will see how dirty the place actually is.  Alan hasn’t come right out and said it, but I know he is mad at me for it as well.  Of course all week he hasn’t gotten up off his hind end to help me out a little.  In fact, this afternoon, I asked him if he would please write a list of the "goodies" he’d like me to fix for the party, so I could go shopping tomorrow afternoon…  and he starts talking about – the floor lamp in the living room!!  "Do you think we should move that over here, or what about there…"  I respond "What??!!  Move the… What??!?  No!!  What are you talking about?!"  Somedays I just feel like banging my head against the wall.  Today was that kind of day.     
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6 responses »

  1. Oh, I\’m so sorry.  I hate the nights where your brain is going at 90 mph and you can\’t fall asleep.  I do that so often.  Something I have learned lately, accept help when offered.  I have always been the type of person that had to do everything myself until I have almost exhausted my mental and physical resources.  I am trying to change that.
     
    I hope when you wake up today things are better   🙂

  2. Hey Ann!  I have done the "mind racing, body pacing… heart just wants to rest" thing soooo many times!  I feel so sorry for you!  I used to hold my music classes here in my home, which meant I had to have the entire downstairs very clean, because what mother wants her child to take a music class in a place with a sticky old "kool-aid" spill on the wood floor and something yellow dried and crusty in the area rug?  Plus they had to come through my kitchen to get to the music room!  So, every Monday found me frantically trying to straighten, sweep and mop.  Which I did (when you have something that happens every week, something clicks in your brain during the downtimes that says, "OK, go ahead and pick that up so you won\’t have to Monday" and a lot of *reminding" my 11 year olds to do likewise (which came out a little mean sometimes, I will admit).  But some mornings just saw me swishing the brush around the toilet bowel, spraying some room deoderizer and hiding the black spot on my ceramic stovetop  with a tea kettle.  The whole party prep thing… since it\’s your DH party, I would very thoughtfully do all you can, inlist Kiki\’s help (defintly forgo the schooling… call it home ec.) and remind him that you did the best you could because life goes on when he goes into the office.  And be the best, smiley-faced, Merry Christmas little hostess you can be… hospitality covers a multitude of cleaning shortfalls.  If you want to take your mom up on her offer, do, but don\’t feel guilty about it cause it won\’t help.  My most favorite holiday party, hide the lack of cleaning suggestions… close whatever doors you can and definitly turn the lights down… maybe candles?  NO ceiling lights if you can help it.  Never will forget my DH finding that little "low lghting" secret out after one of our few parties… he sort of liked the enginuity of it…
    Good luck and just prioritize with with your sanity pretty high on the list.  (And if you\’re getting tired of my opinions, just yell at me… you can vent a little! 🙂  We are so alike in so many ways, though, I bet you\’re shaking your head instead! 
    Remember, Merry Christmas!
    Tammy  🙂 🙂 🙂
    homeschooling in KY
    snpnme@hotmail.com

  3. I\’m sending positive thoughts your way.  (I don\’t think they have far to go either, I think we share the same valley)  Just think how good you\’ll feel Saturday morning when you wake up with the party behind you!  Good luck and remember……breathe!

  4. WAIT A MINUTE!! You are not a loser for having so much to do that you have not gotten around to cleaning your house!!! Allow your mom to serve you in this loving way (strange I agree, I don\’t know anyone who loves to clean a house!) by cleaning your house.  Think of what you would do for Kiki – as a parent there is hardly anything we wouldn\’t do for our children.
     
    Get some sleep and start fresh in the morning.  I hope all goes well and you are able to relax and enjoy the party!  Of course, we\’ll want to hear all about it!
     
    B
     

  5. Your blog reminds me of something my pastor once said to a husband complaining about his wife.  He said, "You are the captain of that ship…if it sinks…you were the one in charge."  LOL   I remind my husband of this when he thinks I should do more.  I am willing to help him in house projects that he normally does.   Helping is better than complaining and we all need help at times.  I am so glad you took your mom\’s help, too!  I really enjoyed your latest pictures, too!
     
    Hugs,
    Beth

  6. You Are Not A Loser!!! You are an over-worked, over-scheduled, over-tired stay home teacher & Mom- cut yourself some slack. Graciously & thankfully accept the help offered, rejoice in the fact someone cares enough to be there for you, & let the unrealistic expectations (yours & husband\’s) go with the wind. It will all be wonderful, if you just approach it that way- it\’s your party, so have fun!

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