Feeling Abandoned

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I’ve been really upset with my sister lately, and I wasn’t sure just why.  I finally realized it comes back to those abandonment issues I deal with, and she hasn’t actually abandoned me, so I need to deal with my feelings.  You see, my sister and I are really good friends.  Sure, she drives me nuts, as I am sure I do her,  but I love living near her, and we were doing quite a lot together.  But now, she has a new friend.  She spends a lot of time with this new friend.  My sis and I used to spend an hour or so every Tues. and Thurs. after we dropped the kids off at the Co-op having coffee, talking, maybe praying about stuff…in fact, last year she’d bring our mom with her (they live quite close to each other) and we’d all have prayer time together for our families and such.   Well, it’s been about three weeks now since I have spent any time with my sister; she is always off doing something with her friend.  I’ll be honest – my feelings are hurt.  That little girl inside is feeling like "nobody wants to be my friend".  I have to say that my sister says things like, that I could just hang out with her and her pal…but here’s the thing… my sister and I are totally alike on one side, and totally opposite on the other side.  For some reason, it seems like her friends are generally more like the side of her that is not like me.  So, it’s just, I don’t know, doesn’t mesh right.  I end up feeling like that proberbial 3rd wheel.  And dang it, I miss spending time with my sister!  I don’t have a lot of friends – you know, the kind you can just call up and hang out with… I was really hurt by 3 "best friends" earlier in life, so I tend not to get to close to people…I mean, I have a great time when I am with ‘friends’,  but I don’t invest myself in the relationship because it’s painful when they leave.  My little sister was one of my best friends as well, and I miss her so much.  
I’ve also felt like my daughter is getting left out of stuff… her cousin that she sees the most can be…I don’t know, heartless sometimes.  She doesn’t seem to really understand the social graces.  Kiki  will give her a hug, and she just gets stiff and won’t hug back (not just with my daughter; she’s like that with everyone).  She and another cousin (who lives nearby but doesn’t go to the co-op) seem to get together much more than Kiki gets together with them…now, I know, my daughter tends to be bossy, and she can be irritating, but aren’t they all??  So I end up feeling that no one wants to be my daughter’s friend, either.  That is one of the worst things about not going to the local public school…no friends in the neighborhood.  Since the kids at the co-op are from all over the valley, it’s not like any of them live near us. 
Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself… maybe just feeling lonely… I don’t know.      
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3 responses »

  1. Oh, I can so relate.  I haven\’t had the kids this whole weekend and I have had nothing to do except watch movies and visit with my Mom.  This morning I talked to my best friend in FL and we were both saying how we needed more friends.  I also tend to reserve myself and not attach.  It\’ll be fine though.  I am telling myself that God puts the people I need at that particular time into my life.  Obviously, right now he is wanting me to focus just on my kids  :).  It\’ll get better.  As far as Kiki goes, all kids are bossy and annoying at some stage.  They are finding their voice.  And very often, the assertive children just happen to be the ambitiously aggressive successful adults of latter years!  It\’s because they have self-confidence and self-assurance!  I wouldn\’t trade those traits for any others.  Have you talked to your sister about Kiki\’s relationship with the cousin?  Also, does Kiki do any kind of community sport?  That would get her lots of friends. 
     
    I hope you have had a great weekend.

  2. I too have been in situations where the "new friend" creates a whole new dynamic to the relationship you already have with a close friend – it is really awkward.  I don\’t have any sisters so it is not as personal as I imagine it may be with family.
     
    Take care,
    B

  3. Hi. Returning your visit. Yes. Old issues do keep raising their heads don\’t they. Once you recognise this, the problem often goes. Anyway, it just shows that you like her company too. And that non-hugging girl, I\’m like that too (my issues), its not about your daughter is it. I like the sound of you. Nice blog too.

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