I’ve been really upset with my sister lately, and I wasn’t sure just why. I finally realized it comes back to those abandonment issues I deal with, and she hasn’t actually abandoned me, so I need to deal with my feelings. You see, my sister and I are really good friends. Sure, she drives me nuts, as I am sure I do her, but I love living near her, and we were doing quite a lot together. But now, she has a new friend. She spends a lot of time with this new friend. My sis and I used to spend an hour or so every Tues. and Thurs. after we dropped the kids off at the Co-op having coffee, talking, maybe praying about stuff…in fact, last year she’d bring our mom with her (they live quite close to each other) and we’d all have prayer time together for our families and such. Well, it’s been about three weeks now since I have spent any time with my sister; she is always off doing something with her friend. I’ll be honest – my feelings are hurt. That little girl inside is feeling like "nobody wants to be my friend". I have to say that my sister says things like, that I could just hang out with her and her pal…but here’s the thing… my sister and I are totally alike on one side, and totally opposite on the other side. For some reason, it seems like her friends are generally more like the side of her that is not like me. So, it’s just, I don’t know, doesn’t mesh right. I end up feeling like that proberbial 3rd wheel. And dang it, I miss spending time with my sister! I don’t have a lot of friends – you know, the kind you can just call up and hang out with… I was really hurt by 3 "best friends" earlier in life, so I tend not to get to close to people…I mean, I have a great time when I am with ‘friends’, but I don’t invest myself in the relationship because it’s painful when they leave. My little sister was one of my best friends as well, and I miss her so much.
I’ve also felt like my daughter is getting left out of stuff… her cousin that she sees the most can be…I don’t know, heartless sometimes. She doesn’t seem to really understand the social graces. Kiki will give her a hug, and she just gets stiff and won’t hug back (not just with my daughter; she’s like that with everyone). She and another cousin (who lives nearby but doesn’t go to the co-op) seem to get together much more than Kiki gets together with them…now, I know, my daughter tends to be bossy, and she can be irritating, but aren’t they all?? So I end up feeling that no one wants to be my daughter’s friend, either. That is one of the worst things about not going to the local public school…no friends in the neighborhood. Since the kids at the co-op are from all over the valley, it’s not like any of them live near us.
Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself… maybe just feeling lonely… I don’t know.