I really feel burdened and sad about some things today regarding my family – not just my immediate family, but the extended set as well. I’ll start with the stupid stuff, that honestly I just ought to get over but sometimes gets under my skin. My sister is a great gal, really. She is kind and thoughtful and always willing to lend a hand if you need it. But she is a whiner. She doesn’t know it; if you ask her she’ll say how she knows how blessed she is…so why then the moaning? She loves to throw a "poor pitiful me" party. She is like me in that we are ‘artistic’ (read: crappy housecleaners & disorganized). The difference is that when push comes to shove, I will stay up for two nights straight and get the job done. She, on the other hand, cries to her friends – or our mom – about how overwhelmed she is, and those people come over and do her work. She is always getting bailed out. Or the money issue. I don’t really think they are any worse off than Alan and I are, but because she cries about it, someone is always doing something for her or her family. Like, the last women’s retreat our church had…I couldn’t afford to go because we’d spent so much money on vet bills for T. She didn’t have money to go either. When I was asked, I just replied "no, I’m not going to be able to go this year." However, when she would be asked, it was always the whole big story on how their money is just so tight, and this and that and the other….the result of which was that someone paid for her way to go on the retreat. This happens all the time. I try to pride myself on the fact that I make my own way; I’m not whining to others to get helped out…but, maybe I am just jealous? She will complain how I have always had a nicer car than she’s ever had…yeah, but I’ve never been to Europe, and Africa, and…well, lots of places she’s been that I have never been. So cry me a river. I am not begrudging her nice things or trips or whatever, but just quit whining for pete’s sake! Then there is the part where my mom is involved. Somehow she feels sorry for my sister because she buys into the pity party. Time and again she buys clothes for those grandkids, and has helped pay for their private schooling, and various lessons…she tries to not let me know, but that just makes me feel like she realizes she is being unfair and is trying to hide it. I mean, I love my mom, and she can do whatever she wants with her money, and I really don’t want her to have to provide for me, I am a big girl now…but, I don’t know, it makes me feel bad anyway. The jealousy bit again, I suppose. So I know what sin I need to pray about! I really agonized over buying school pictures because of the expense, but you know they are only this age once, so I did it…then I saw the check (on sis’s noteboard in plain view, no, I wasn’t snooping!) that my mom had written to pay for sis’s kids school pics…sigh.
That brings me to my next issue…I am a bad mom. My little girl is…fat. I’ve known for awhile now that she has a bit of a pudgy tummy, but I guess I’ve been seeing her with a mommy’s loving eyes. Because it is more than pudge. It was those school pictures. She looks totally cute, of course, because she is my baby and is adorable!! Her individual ones, well, I could still try to say "oh, it’s just a little chub, she’ll grow out of it real soon." Ah, but, the class picture….if a picture is worth a thousand words, then they are all screaming at me what have you done?! what have you done?! what have….. In that group of kids, it’s so obvious…my daughter is the token class fat kid. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to throw up. It’s bad enough I’ve done this to myself, but I am an adult and have to take the responsibility…my daughter eats what I give her, and sits on her fanny because her dad and I do. It’s so unfair, and it’s all my fault. Luckily, I have swelled her head so much by telling her how wonderful she is, that she didn’t notice at all…she looked at her pics and declared "I look great! These are my cutest pictures yet!" Okay, so I have a little time to get her slimmed down before it starts to warp her psyche.
I was also going to rant a bit about my…well, my brother-in-laws new wife. My nieces and nephews step-mom. I don’t think I fully trust her. I mean, she seems like a nice gal. But, then stuff happens that just doesn’t add up. I don’t think she is treating the children with enough love. I think she is…mean. More than just strict. Not abusive, just not really kind. And they need love so much after what they’ve been through. I also love my bro-in-law, and he doesn’t seem really happy. Kinda stressed out. Of course, I know it’s partly just ’cause she’s not my sister. She’s going all gung-ho on getting rid of my sister’s stuff (furniture and stuff, I mean) and I understand, it’s her home now and she wants to make it hers…. but they can’t really afford it but she’s going full blast on it…again, not my concern I guess. I know it just makes me feel bad when she talks about "that horrible picture"… that my sister loved…that I gave her as a gift….dang it I miss my sister.
I have a great family, really. But they still make me flippin’ crazy sometimes!!