Yesterday, my comfy and beloved pair of jeans finally gave up on trying to stay together by a few well-worn threads, and they ripped. Gasp. They were my only pair of long pants. So today I had to go find a new pair. I have never enjoyed clothes shopping (except for a time in my 20’s when I wore a size 5 and things looked good on me.) but I especially hate it now that I am quite large. My mother-in-law sent me a gift card for my birthday, for ‘Torrid’ (a fat-ladies’ clothing store!) so at least I was able to get my new pants for free! This particular store has mostly trendy stuff that younger gals might wear (I was thinking crap I am old) but then I found some stuff someone like me might actually wear. (I am not old I am not old) I have noticed that younger girls that are the same size as me still wear stuff very tight and form-fitting. I don’t get that. It isn’t pretty. I tried on about 50 things, and ended up with one pair of jeans and a tank top. Sheesh. Kiki is actually jealous of my jeans – they are the "cool kind" (her words) that have pre-worn-out patches on them, the kind she’s been wanting. Hahaha, I am soooo cool. She did say to me "Mom, I don’t get it. My pants never wear out and rip." Well, honey, if I had a huge wardrobe like you, I wouldn’t be wearing the same pants every single day until they fray off of my body. She looks cute in her clothes still, so I have been living vicariously through her!
My next joyous stop was to the Supermarket. I hate shopping for groceries because A) I have to make a list and think about what to cook. B) It’s too expensive. C) I have to put it all away when I get it home. D) Then I have to use this stuff to cook…uckk.
I was very good, tho. Usually, when I am bummed about my size, I make myself "feel better" – albeit temporarily – by eating stuff I shouldn’t. (You’re right, that’s stupid – welcome to my head.) Going to the grocery store in this condition is usually not good. Today, I stuck to my list, and bought lots of fruit, vegetables, and juices. I didn’t buy any chips, cookies, candy, or ice cream. I stared into the pastry case for a few minutes (after all, it was past lunch time, and how would I survive all the way back home??) but, I walked on by, and made myself a tuna sandwich when I got home. Yay me!!