I Think I’ll Take up Kick-Boxing

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Because….I really feel like kicking someone’s butt.  Namely, my husband’s.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy.  Most of the time, he’s a decent man, a good dad, and a pretty good friend.  But right now….rrrrgggghhh.  I think he has PMS.  Seriously, you other wives know what I mean!  The men think it’s all us, but can’t they be just the moodiest old things??  So he’s been a major grump for about two weeks now, and today he wants to know why I am irritated with him…because I’m "treating him badly".  Puh-leeze.  I’ll admit it – today I was irritated with him.  See, in the past, we used to have wicked fights…screaming, throwing stuff…I used to worry that one day he was going to up and hit me.  Thank the Lord that never happened, but it still got pretty ugly.  We’ve come a long way…he has gained much control over his temper, and I have learned to just let a lot of stuff go…I just got tired of fighting.  Besides, I refuse to do that now that we have a child.  Most of the time, I can "be the duck"…you know, I’m the duck, it’s all water, it rolls right off me… but sometimes, stuff he does really pisses me off, and it doesn’t roll off so good.  Yesterday, for instance.  We were at the grocery store (and we are trying this new budget thing, ‘envelopes’, so we have to pay for everything in cash)  well, I have become so used to my debit card…we were using the "self check out" aisle, and I’ve only paid once before with cash…and it had to be done in a certain order (you had to put in the coins or paper money in first, I don’t remember) well, I am trying to read it, (and Alan is saying "put the money in, why aren’t you putting the money in" and then I do put the money in…well, it didn’t like my $5.00 bill, so it kept spitting it out…it had a certain way it had to be ‘right side up’….Alan comes over, grabs the $5 away from me, and starts shoving it in (backwards) and is like "what’s the problem, why don’t you just put it in the less wrinkled side first"  like duh, you are a moron (no, he didn’t actually say those words) and I was like well, it has to go in this end first….he is treating me like I am an absolute idiot, not giving me a chance to do it, right there in front of everyone else in line….so, yeah, I was mad and embarrassed.   When I mentioned this today, I got a speech about how I should deal with these things when they happen and not…how’d he say it….hold onto them and nurse grudges?….  Ohhh, I see…I should have just caused a scene right there in the market…or, had a fight in the car about it, right in front of Kiki??  This is one of the things that sets me off the most, when he treats me like I’m stupid.  Because he has all the answers.  He’ll deny that he does this.  Then there was this afternoon.  I am sick of sitting around watching TV.  I have tried to come up with some other stuff we can do.  Today after church we were going to go to an orchard with some friends to pick apples and enjoy the fall weather; just be out.  I was also going to go do some more of the same with my mom, sister and niece tomorrow, so he used that as an excuse not to go today.  I mean, it was all set up, and the other gals and families were going, and all of a sudden he is coming up with 89 excuses why we shouldn’t go.  Of course, then it’s "but if you really want to…"  Of course I really want to, haven’t I been planning this for a couple weeks now??!  But by then I was just pissed and didn’t want to.  Poor Kiki, she was really bummed out, she’d been looking forward to it, too.  Alan also has this annoying habit of trying to get me to talk about what’s bugging me when I’m really mad.  I don’t want to fight, so I try to get him to wait…but then it’s just all my fault, whatever the issue.  And he often won’t let me have my say…because he’s got "the answer" to everything I say.   Ohhh, it is sooo maddening!!
 
I’m sorry, I just had to get this out of my system.  I am really irritated with my husband, and I’m not sure exactly how to resolve it – because it’s not really this particular event, it’s this habit of him treating me like I’m an idiot – and I’m not, thank you….and he knows it, so what is up with that?!  Then he starts in on me like, "have you fed Kiki lunch today" (no, because it’s not her day to eat!) or, "how can you go out to the orchard tomorrow, you have school to do" (oh, you know, just like last year, we usually don’t do our school)  Have I not been taking care of these things???   He comes from a long line of "know-it-all males"…
 
Then just to top off my lovely day, when we returned home from our small-group meeting tonight (you know, the one where we work on our marriages!!) I had a phone message from my mom…that my sister wasn’t going to be able to make it tomorrow, and did we want to postpone it until a better day for her?  Even tho we already did postpone from last week because my sister couldn’t make it, and tomorrow was the day my sister said would work better for her….aaarrrgggghhhh!!!!   Family!!! The ties that bind…and gag… (Erma Bombeck)   Now Kiki is really upset.  But, I am going to find something fun and special for she and I to do tomorrow, and hang the rest!!   I refuse to let them get me down!      
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3 responses »

  1. Ann,
         Do you suppose that part of the problem came from him being frustrated at working all weekend and not having any \’downtime\’?  I\’m not saying that that should be an excuse for him treating you poorly, but is it possible that it is a cause for his bad moods?  We usually take out our frustrations on those we love the most, although that shouldn\’t be the case.  The ones that do the most for us are usually the door mats in our lives.  That\’s a sad, but true fact.  Do you have a chance to sit and talk about this with him without getting too emotional about it?  Sometimes that works better than in the heat of the discussion or argument.  Try to get Kiki out of the house when that happens so that she doesn\’t perceive that she is the cause of any disagreements.  Easier said than done, I know.  God bless you and keep on keepin\’ on!

  2. This is me blushing- I am so guilty of that attitude displayed by your husband; when I\’m tired & stressed, I let really awful thing come out of my mouth. I\’m so sorry you were on the receiving end of that kind of unfairness.
    I hope you reschedule the orchard excursion- it is so much fun to do that seasonal stuff. Here is a prayer that things will look up for all of you soon!

  3. My husband is 20 years older than me, comes from a foreign country (and is therefore quite sexist), and has an IQ off the charts — I get the "you\’re stupid" message a LOT. Luckily, I already had a high self-esteem when I met him. If not, I would have been destroyed by now. As it is, I learned a long time ago to not be intimidated by him and just do things my way anyway. It really pisses him off when I "ignore" his "advice," but I have to maintain my self-respect!
     
    He "knows" I\’m not actually stupid, but I guess it makes him feel better about himself to treat me that way. Mostly, it\’s him treating me like a child, since I am so much younger than he. He used to actually say I couldn\’t know anything because I had no life experience. He doesn\’t say it anymore though. After years of standing up for myself, we\’re starting to get along better. Although he\’ll always be an ass.
     
    We do fight in front of the kids, too. I\’m not saying it\’s a good thing, and like Alan, it\’s mostly because Hubby won\’t let it go. However, I do think it\’s good to let them see me sticking up for myself. My mom used to get steamrolled in front of us all the time, and as a result I hated my dad and used to wish my mom would stand up for herself. She had the right motives I suppose, but kids also need to know there\’s two sides to every story. Funny thing is … whenever Hubby and I fight, the kids always take my side. Men just look horrible to others whenever they treat a woman like dirt, and even kids understand that!

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