The air in our valley is full of smoke from forest fires burning all around us. It is even drifting over from neighboring states…I miss our normally beautiful blue skies. This reminds me of being back home in Southern California! I’ve had a little laugh, because the schools have been cancelling sports practice and anything else outdoors, and I’m thinking "geez, people, this is how we lived most of the time" in So. Cal. But, I guess it’s nice, living here where crappy air is not the norm. I’ve needed the little laugh….
Now for my blue heart. The news about T. is about as bad as it gets. We took him in for the chest xrays on Friday, and he does have lung cancer. Not a little bit, either. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen what a chest xray should look like, but basically you shouldn’t be able to see the lungs…they have very little ‘mass’ or ‘density’, so they just show up as dark areas. T.’s look like, well, a snow storm. Very white, foggy, with hundreds, if not thousands, of white spots. Spots so ‘dense’ they show up as white as the bones of his ribs. These little white nodules are each a very thick tumor. The vet – oh my gosh, he was so sweet and nice, I mean, we’d never been in there before, we were referred by my vet since this clinic has a better xray machine, but he was just so kind – well, he said he was just so sorry, that really all we can do at this point is try to give him a little better quality of life until, well, until the end. Which is aparently quite near. He said, days, maybe a week or two. How did it get this bad without me noticing?? I mean, a couple weeks ago, he seemed fine. He was a giant, goofy pup, full of exhuberance. The vet tried to reassure me that it was nothing we’d done, or could have done different. No One in my family smokes, never has. And T. never lived in So. Cal. But my heart is aching. He’s now on Lasix to get the fluid out of his lungs, and streroids to reduce swelling.. he does seem to feel a little better today, he actually played ‘toy tug’ with me a bit…he hasn’t done that in a week. He’s eating now, too, a little anyway. I guess it was the Lord’s plan to have my car break down, because I was so thankful to have my sis there with me.. she just hugged me while I sobbed. The car just needed a new battery, so it wasn’t too horribly expensive. Alan came home from work early. He cares, too. Kiki thinks she should have the next two weeks off from school… "how can I possibly concentrate, mom?" I understand. My mind is certainly in a fog.
I just plan on giving him as much love as possible as long as I can.